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Warren Peace

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Goalkeeper

Urinating Salford goalie earns whole side a place in England’s World Cup squad

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Almost the entire Salford lineup have been selected as part of England’s squad for next year’s World Cup, it has emerged. All the English...

Woman who sweeps elephants in room under the rug wonders why her relationships don’t...

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A Rochdale woman who has a “sweep it under the rug” approach to the elephant in the room is puzzled as to why her...

Racists shocked to learn that there are more than two religions

The revelation that there are more religions than just Christianity and Islam has caused mass outbreaks of shock and confusion among racists everywhere, it...
Love

You don’t know what love is ’til you hold your baby for the first...

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Forget looking into your bride's eyes on your wedding day, you don't know what love is until you become a parent and hold your...
Ed Sheeran

Bloke who knocked Ed Sheeran off bike given MBE for services to music industry

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The man who ran over Ed Sheeran and broke his arm will receive an MBE in the new year’s honours list, it has been...
Trump

People no longer surprised when Trump acts like a dick again

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The repeated outbursts of hatemongering, sabre-rattling or just plain stupidity, emanating from the lips, press statements or usually the tweets, of Donald Trump, have...

A country full of religious crackpots shouldn’t have nuclear weapons, says country full of...

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A country full of religious crackpots and nuclear weapons has condemned another country full of religious crackpots for pressing on with their nuclear programme. Hassan...

Fifty Shades Of Grey to become the government’s new race relations manual

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We’ve all heard the expression about not judging a book by its cover, but one of the most notorious books of the current decade...

Brutus advises senators to get behind Caesar

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Marcus Brutus has urged the Roman senate to show support for their leader Julius Caesar. Addressing the press at a conference outside the Senate, he...
Donald Trump

Moron says something moronic

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A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged. The exact words used in this situation concerned a...
Guns

Why does this keep happening, asks country selling guns without doing background checks

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A country who sells weapons over the counter to anybody who wants one is stumped at how it can be home to so many...
Ryanair

Ryanair admit their trial of pilotless planes hasn’t gone exactly as planned

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Ryanair have admitted that their latest cost-cutting measure, planes without pilots, has not been a complete success. The airline, famed for its no-frills stance, with...

Rogue State Threatens World Peace By Threatening To Totally Destroy North Korea

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A rogue nation, governed by a lunatic, could be about to start a nuclear war on North Korea. The country, known in its native tongue...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson Sits In With Infant School Maths Class, Answers 350 Million To Every...

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Boris Johnson seems to have a one-track mind when it comes to numbers. While visiting an infants' school in Rochdale, he sat in on...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump blames it on the sunshine, the moonlight and the good times

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Donald Trump is blaming pretty much everything for his sudden lack of a sex-life, it has emerged. Sources close to the president have informed the...

First shipment of British thoughts and prayers arrives in Barbuda

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A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain. The jet touched down...

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