A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged.

The exact words used in this situation concerned a football qualifier for the FIFA world cup – a match between Zambia and Nigeria. The moron was filmed saying “I support Nambia, they’re a great country, bigly great. They make the best covfefe in the world, after America of course.”

He then went on to use a very offensive term in reference to the other side. We will not repeat it here, readers are asked to work it out for themselves and not use the word in polite conversation – or indeed any other form of communication.

“It was so stupid my brain hurts,” said reporter Kenny Beserious. “You wouldn’t believe it’s even possible for someone to be that stupid. But he’s done it again.”

This sentiment was echoed by his colleague Izzy Forreal. “The worst thing is, it’s not even a surprise anymore,” she added. “It’s like, another day, another dollar, another dimwitted remark from that idiot.”

Mr Beserious was quick to agree. “One of these days, that guy is going to say something amazingly clever and insightful,” he added, “and we’re all going to sit there dumbfounded, unable to take it in, watching the playback a hundred times and still struggling to get our heads round it . . . nah, who am I kidding? It’s never going to happen.”
Well, the law of averages does suggest it ought to happen eventually, but the law of averages rules out the human factor.

Although in this case, the word “human” is used in a strictly biological sense.