The man who ran over Ed Sheeran and broke his arm will receive an MBE in the new year’s honours list, it has been revealed.
Police officers and government officials set about identifying the perpetrator as soon as the incident was reported. They quickly identified the car as belonging to one Will Nokimoff, 26, a Rochdale citizen, and visited him personally to inform him of the news.
“I don’t believe it,” he told the Rochdale Herald. “I was just driving, I wasn’t planning on causing any injuries, then suddenly, there’s Sheeran right in front of me! I mean, who could resist a target like that? Anyway, the police come knocking on my door, and of course I think ‘I’m in trouble’, but then they tell me they’re giving me an MBE, same as they gave him! Well, naturally, I thought it was a wind-up, but then this civil servant with them gives me the paperwork, and all the contacts I like to confirm it.”
In addition to having the repairs to his car carried out for free, Mr Nokimoff has apparently been forwarded to the head of the queue for the actual awards ceremony, and will receive the first MBE of the new year.
“The police were so grateful, they’ve actually given me a list of other celebs to run over,” he went on. “They’ve given me addresses for Piers Morgan, Katie Hopkins, Simon Cowell, and there’s even a knighthood in it if I can get Trump when he visits.”
We wish Will the best of luck.