Donald Trump is blaming pretty much everything for his sudden lack of a sex-life, it has emerged.
Sources close to the president have informed the Rochdale Herald that recently he and his wife Melania visited San Francisco, and went to one disco after another, and since then, Melania has been bitten by the dancing bug.
Mr Trump himself allegedly had this to say on the matter. “These days, Melania’s always dancing. That’s all she’s doing. Don’t get me wrong, that’s no bad thing in itself, women dancing is great, but it’s eating into our bedroom time, and that’s not fake news – it’s bad, bigly bad.”
When asked what he felt had brought on this change, he was quick to point out three factors.
“It was a really sunny day when we arrived in San Francisco,” he mused. “That got her in the mood, and then later on when we were hitting the discos, there was a big full moon in the sky. Maybe she’s part werewolf? That would be bad. But anyway, that moonlight was really getting her moving. And she was having way too good a time without me. That’s not right. No one should be having a good time without me.”
Witnesses at the discos in question have referred to Melania as “dancing all night long” to the music, which was itself described as “music you could really boogie to”. When asked if his condemnations extended to the boogie, however, Trump was emphatic.
“No,” he said. “I’m not blaming it on the boogie – I like to boogie with the best of them. Well, the best of them after me. Nobody boogies like me, I’m the greatest you’ll ever see at boogieing. Boogie is great.”
Well there you have it. Trump is officially blaming it on the sunshine, the moonlight and the good times – but not the boogie.