Marcus Brutus has urged the Roman senate to show support for their leader Julius Caesar.

Addressing the press at a conference outside the Senate, he asked us to lend him our ears, and explained, “I am absolutely one hundred per cent behind Caesar. Me and Julius? We’re like this.” at which point he held up two crossed fingers.

He was backed by several of his colleagues who he said were firmly behind the general, namely Cassius, Decius, and Casca.

Cassius was present at Brutus’ side, and was quick back Brutus up.

“We are all completely behind him,” he said. “We plan on being right behind him until the bitter end.”

It was noticeable that both of them had one hand kept out of view at all times. Some of us could see that he was holding something in it, and wondered if it was a dagger we saw before us. One of my colleagues raised the issue.

“Oh that?” Brutus said, brandishing the weapon. “We’re about to discuss this in the senate at the moment. In the current social climate, we’re all really worried that anyone could come and stab you from behind, so we’re thinking of making an amendment to our glorious constitution to allow anyone to carry a knife to defend themselves with. If everyone has a dagger, then everyone can defend themselves against someone if they go mad and go on a stabbing spree.”

Suddenly Julius Caesar himself was observed going into the senate, Brutus and Cassius were both quick to wave to him, keeping their daggers hidden from view I noticed.

At this point, Brutus and Cassius had to quickly excuse themselves. Urgent dagger-related business to discuss, they explained. Cassius went inside straight away, Brutus waited a moment to give a final address.

“We will be behind Julius Caesar to the death,” he said.

And then he went inside to. After that there were a few screams heard, and then the words “et tu Brute?” I could only wonder if something had gone wrong in the senate, specifically something dagger-related.

After all, with so many knives in view, I felt there was a danger of someone getting stabbed in the back by someone behind him.