A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain.

The jet touched down at midday local time, amid scenes chaos and devastation brought on by Hurricane Irma. The pilot, one James Biggles, has been in radio contact with the Rochdale Herald and had this to say:

“It was unbelievable. The damage done by the storm. I’ve just touched down with my cargo of thoughts and prayers, I’m going to help unloading them before I fly back for another lot. I hope the inhabitants can do something with them.”

The locals were less impressed with this, asking where the food and medical supplies were, and what they were supposed to do with these thoughts and prayers.

Mr Biggles replied that he was simply the pilot, but offered to help the locals find a use for them.

In a matter of minutes, the inhabitants quickly discovered a long list of things that could not be done with them.

“Turns out you can’t eat prayers,” Mr Biggles said on the radio as he got back into the plane.

“And it doesn’t look like you can sleep in them, and they can’t be used as building materials either. And have you tried using them in place of medicine?”

Mr Biggles is currently en route back to Britain, and his last radio message was:

“Look, next time send something more useful. They thought I was mocking their suffering and I can’t blame them.”

We can only hope that Mr Biggles’ prayers are answered with speed and substance.