Science – Astronomers have the identity of the biggest object in the known universe, and it’s not your average – or even above-average – celestial body.
In a statement to the Rochdale Herald, Professor Brian Cox announced:
“The biggest object in the known universe isn’t a star or a planet, or even a galaxy. It is in fact the ego of Donald Trump.”
Scientists had, according to Professor Cox, been aware for some time that there was something very big stretching from here on Earth all the way to the edge of the galaxy and far beyond, but until recently it was impossible to determine its exact nature. But then in 2016, astronomers began analysing its exact point of origin here, and noticed it moving all around the planet. They tracked its course, and made the discovery that the movements duplicated exactly those of Donald Trump.
“Once the telescopes were pointed there,” Professor Cox went on, “we were able to measure it more precisely. And it really is that big. We still haven’t been able to find the other end to it. It goes all the way out of this galaxy, right through Andromeda, and anything else in its path.”
When asked what he thought Mr Trump would make of the revelation, Professor Cox struggled to stifle a laugh.
“He’d probably like it,” the professor said with a grin. “To think that some part of him is, as he himself might say, the bigliest object in the whole universe, I think he’d be proud of that.”
Normally, anything of that great a mass can only be a black hole, but black holes are smaller in size. However, there do appear to be certain similarities between Trump’s ego and a black hole.
“They will both devour anything and everything in their path,” Professor Cox explained. “Having a very destructive effect on everything around them as a consequence.”
But this is very definitely not a black hole, it has been made quite clear. So what will its astronomical name be?
“Well,” Professor Cox answered with a gleam in his eye, “it’s not a black hole but behaves in a similar fashion, so we’re calling it an Orange Hole.”
So there you have it. The biggest object in the known universe is an Orange Hole.