Father Christmas has come out in a blistering denunciation of Donald Trump today, stating categorically that he doesn’t believe in him.

In an interview with the Rochdale Herald, he spoke candidly.

“How can that fat old git be real? We’re supposed to believe in someone who spends most of his time just relaxing, who only make a noise in public when it suits him to do so, and has a distinct preference for giving rich people exactly what they want while the poor make do with what they can scrape together themselves. It’s just not right!”

In response to the allegations that many of the accusations he had made about Mr Trump were as applicable to himself, he had this to say:

“You think it’s easy doing this job? I have to be on call 24/7 at the toy factories. It takes this long to get all the children’s presents ready for the whole world. I have to inspect every toy my elves make, because it’s me that gets the blame if they foul up. And as for my single-handedly delivering it all on one night, visiting every house, that’s exhausting!

“Do you have any idea how many houses that is that I have to visit, all in just one night? You know there’s no fixed date for it in the Bible, so why can’t you give a guy a break and spread it around a bit?”

Santa then put his golf clubs back onto his cart and sped off towards the 19th hole.

We wish him well on the 24th of December and would like to remind him that everyone at The Rochdale Herald has been very good this year.

We love you Santa.