Queen celebrates being 22 in lizard years

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The Queen has celebrated being 22 in lizard years today. David Attenborough was there to capture the celebrations and was able to give the...
Couple with dog

Season your pets before leaving them in a hot car

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do With temperatures hitting 30°C across the nation, dog owners have been warned to pay special attention to their four legged friends. Each year the RSPCA...

Disabled man fails to interrupt true love’s wedding due to stairs

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A man has expressed his disappointment at his inability to interrupt the wedding of the woman he loves due to lack of wheelchair access. David...
Santa with presents

Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal – 2,329 Gifts bought in four days

Four days ago we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People...
Delivery Driver

Firms reports record customer satisfaction levels after using cocaine delivery gang to deliver parcels

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Delivery firms that specialise in not delivering your parcels have reported a huge increase in customer satisfaction levels. The news comes following the companies use...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...

Flag waving celebration of mythical empire shouldn’t be ruined by cheap politics

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The Last Night at the Proms, an event where ex public school toffs wave the Union Flag in celebration of a completely made up...

Armed Republican men protesting being told what do with their bodies

Heavily armed pro-life nitwits across America have taken to the streets in protest in being told to stay at home to save lives. The crowds...

Young people cause cancer Daily Mail warns

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The Daily Mail has exclusively revealed that British youth is causing cancer. In its article on the subject the Mail pointed out that British youths...

Jesus slammed for not following government advice after going out and getting hammered

A 33 year old man from Galilee has been criticised by the GNP, Greater Nazareth Police, after reportedly having a massive dinner party with...

Farron leaving politics to watch VHS of “Brokeback Mountain” in mountains with friend

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Tim Farron, Leader of the Liberal Democrats is set to resign his position after an embarrassing swing in his constituency, that saw him slimmly...

Labour, the Social DEMOCRATIC Party, takes more steps to prevent undesirables from voting

The National Executive Committee of the Labour Party has announced today that only those to the right of Tony Blair will be permitted to...
Brussels Cathedral

New Year to be rung in with chimes of Brussels Cathedral

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Engineers have said it is unlikely they will be able to restore the chimes of Big Ben in time for New Year's Eve. Chief...
Ski Trip

Momentum members take comfort from prospect of cheaper ski holidays

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Whenever election results don't go as hoped, there is always a chance that the downhearted will become the outright depressed.  Fortunately, Momentum organiser Mia...

Coroner rules man killed by falling trophy cabinet victim of his own success

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The verdict has been returned by the inquest into the tragic death of Will Winnet. The coroner Dr Howie Perished has ruled he was...

Amateur Orthopaedic Surgeon not as good as expert – concedes Brexit voter sick of...

Following months of "expert fatigue" the British public may now be prepared to start listening to people who know what they're fucking talking about. Following...

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