City Traders delighted to cash in on RBS free money Bonanza
The Government has announced a radical new plan to help, hard pressed, under-performing multi-million pound hedge fund managers make up the short-fall in their balance...
Physicists discover Brexit actually a black hole that feeds on political parties
The astrophysics world has been in overdrive this week at the announcement of a newly discovered black hole located somewhere over the English Channel.
The...
Knackered dam describes Boris Johnson as looking ‘dodgy and unstable’
A knackered dam in Derbyshire has described the UK prime minister as looking "dodgy but unstable" and a "substantial risk".
The dam in Whaley Bridge...
Queen’s speech delayed for halal vellum
"The ritualistic slaughter of goat is an essential pre-requisite for planned legislation in a parliamentary democracy." So said a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street...
Israel launches airstrike on anti-semitic moon after spacecraft crash
The first privately funded mission to the moon has had an apparent failure resulting in a crash.
The Israeli spacecraft called Beresheet had been sent...
It’s impossible to sandpaper a netball, concede Australians
Long standing dominance of sport by Australia and New Zealand ended by incredible English performance
Some say Australian carpentry skill brings them closer to Christ....
Convertible car owner not as smug after leaving the top down last night
Sandra Numpton of Heywood has spent the last few days driving around in her convertible Mini Cooper, sun glasses on, hair in the wind,...
UK Satirists mourn the death of Sir Antony Jay
Sir Antony Jay, the creator of Yes Minister has died taking with him UK satire. All we have left is the equivalent of a...
Do we really, really, really have to go out, asks everyone
Everybody in the UK has collectively asked if they really, really, really have to go out now that they've gone through the fun bit...
For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain
The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...
Britain First Supporters admit it’s a waste of time trying to change their opinions
Die hard Britain First members have today confirmed that there is absolutely no point in trying to get them to change their opinions by...
‘Human Ken Dodd’ reveals inspiration behind unique look
After undergoing five surgeries, changing his name by deed poll and buying a feather duster, there's no denying that Barry Conroy now bears more...
Yeah, well I didn’t want an election anyway, so ner, huffs ridiculous man child
The degradation of formerly Great Britain continued this week, with the news that Boris Johnson has again failed in his attempt to call a...
Nigel Farage rumoured to replace Nigel Farage as UKIP leader
Nigel Farage's successor will be announced at UKIP's Bournemouth conference tomorrow but a party insider has let slip that his replacement will be Nigel...
Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge
Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...
Religious leader applauds honour killing in US
A religious leader in the US has taken to social media to applaud the heroic martyrdom of a mother shot by police after executing...
