Democracy to be redefined “betterthedevilyaknowocracy”
The linguistic and lexicogaphical boffins at Oxford and Cambridge have agreed that the term democracy needs to be scrapped and replaced with something more...
Jesus slammed for not following government advice after going out and getting hammered
A 33 year old man from Galilee has been criticised by the GNP, Greater Nazareth Police, after reportedly having a massive dinner party with...
Night tube wonderful, say apprentice journalists through gritted teeth
Scores of young, underpaid trainee journalists have been drowsily typing up their reviews of the night tube over the last two mornings as their...
Beards still cool, insists man with beard
As far as flash in the pan fashion trends go the 2015-2016 beard pandemic appears to be showing no sign of relenting with sales...
New Year to be rung in with chimes of Brussels Cathedral
Engineers have said it is unlikely they will be able to restore the chimes of Big Ben in time for New Year's Eve.
Chief...
Jeremy Clarkson’s views are irrelevant say other ageing xenophobic white people
Daily Express readers were quite literally fuming yesterday after tall gammon icon and keen casual racist Jeremy Clarkson referred to Brexit voters as 'coffin...
Revelation as Mercury rises for blue plaque
Freddie Mercury, lead singer of rock sensations Queen, has been commemorated with a blue plaque at his former family home in Feltham.
However, in a...
For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain
The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...
Airlines grounded for Black Death containment
Jeremy Rhymes-With has ordered the gargantuan and wealthy NHS to enact its Black Death emergency plan.
Most of the staff were just weaving baskets anyway...
Fillies to continue racing as outbreak confirmed as equine equivalent of ‘man flu’.
Initial reports that all racing in the U.K. was to be suspended have proved to be unfounded after vets have confirmed that the outbreak...
Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app
Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in...
Beards officially still cool – says man with beard
It's the news every streetwise hipster has been waiting for and today a man from London has confirmed that beards are still the must...
Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge
Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...
Queen celebrates being 22 in lizard years
The Queen has celebrated being 22 in lizard years today.
David Attenborough was there to capture the celebrations and was able to give the...
Chuka Umunna banned from Coventry Laser Quest for crashing children’s parties
MP for Streatham, Chuka Umunna, has been forcibly removed from a branch of Laser Quest in Coventry for reportedly trying to join numerous children's...
Spain v Russia VAR officials wives and children released from captivity
Members of the VAR officials team for the Russia V Spain game have been speaking of their joy at being reunited with their families again.
The...
