Beleaguered train operator Southern Rail has unveiled an ambitious new programme of investment to address overcrowding issues on commuter routes into London.
The strike beset operator, which hasn’t had a train arrive on time since before diesel locomotives were invented, is removing the seats from all carriages, attaching extra hand and foot rails to the exteriors and providing access to the roofs in order to accommodate more passengers.
“I was watching a documentary on WWII and I couldn’t believe how many people The Nazis could get on a train by using cattle trucks.” Charles Horton, CEO of Southern Rail was apparently allegedly overheard to have said.
“Then I saw a documentary about trains in Mumbai which have more passengers on the roof and clinging to the sides than the do inside. So I thought, best of both worlds. Holocaust style cattle cars with people on the roof.”
A passenger we interviewed said “I’m beyond caring how I get to fucking work.”
The RMT are expected to strike over the measure on the basis that it’ll be difficult to run a tea and coffee service on the roof of a moving train.
More chaos to follow.