Friday, August 17, 2018
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Maurice Oxford

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Trump

Donald Trump is a hoax, says Global Warming

Global Warming, the phenomenon by which mankind is fucking up the environment, has confirmed on Twitter today that Donald Trump is in fact a...
David Davis U-turn

David Davis fails to negotiate corner on way to Brexit talks

Brexit supremo David Davis has suffered a minor road accident when he tried, and failed, to negotiate a corner. Healthcare professionals were on the scene...
David Davis

May’s EU deal not binding, says idiot responsible for implementing result of non-binding EU...

The idiot whose job it is to make Brexit happen says that May's latest deal is non-binding. The latest deal, cobbled together from fudge...

Santa sacks Rudolph due to his low productivity levels

It's "snow" joke. Santa has sensationally sacked his seasonal sidekick, Rudolph. The reason was that the much-loved face of animal disability was displaying typically...
Farage

Right wing nutjob calls right wing nutjob a right wing nutjob

Leading members of the Right Wing Nutjobs Association have been flinging accusations around willy-nilly to the amusement of 'leftie libtards' everywhere. Right wing nutjob...

Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods

The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district. Army...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...

Red-faced Green makes pinky promise regarding blue movies

The latest sex scandal to hit the presses involves Damien Green using pornography at work. The de facto Prime Minister-in-waiting appears to have tossed...
Poppy Seller

Islamic poppies being considered by the Royal British Legion

Islamic poppies, which would be green, with a white star and crescent, are being discussed by the Royal British Legion. This has predictably stirred up...

Remembrance is about forcing poppies on sportsmen, not remembering, says patriot

As November's dark days close in, the annual kerfuffle over who does or does not wear a poppy has erupted.   As usual this...
Pumpkin

Halloween pumpkin mistaken for President Trump

The embarrassing incident occurred after Ivanka left the pumpkin in the Oval Office. A meeting of President Trump’s closest advisors failed to realise that...

Fury as plastic poppy fetishists aren’t allowed to sing their favourite song

Royal British Legion members from Little Mynd, near Rochdale, have been denied the chance to sing their favourite song during their annual attendance at...

Three Tenors worth only £17.93 after Brexit

Outraged music lovers everywhere have been devastated by the news that Brexit will cause the Three Tenors to be devalued to £17.93. Observers have noted...
Blue Passport

A blue passport is an integral part of being British, says bloke who’s never...

The great victory that is Brexit has delivered old-style blue passport covers to the grateful people. Rejoicing Brits across the country have been applying...

DNA analysis of white poo on Rochdale street reveals that it comes from a...

Experts tracking down rogue dog owners in Rochdale came up with the shocking news that prehistoric species are alive and kicking. What's more, the...

Surprise as men who rigged Tesco milk prices also rigged share prices

Three Tesco directors are in court on fraud charges. The food-fancying fanatic (alleged) fraudsters have, it seems, been cooking the books as well as...

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