Brexit supremo David Davis has suffered a minor road accident when he tried, and failed, to negotiate a corner.
Healthcare professionals were on the scene immediately to ensure that Davis’s hard exit was achieved. The man himself was unavailable for comment, since he was in hospital being treated for severe damage to his ego.
Davis’ supporters were quick to heap praise on him, though.
“The corner was an unnecessary obstacle which David rightly chose to ignore,” said one.
“He continues to display all the maneuverability required to succeed as Brexit negotiator,” claimed another.
“No more U-turns!” hooted a third.
Some have viewed the incident as a metaphor for Brexit but the PM’s office was adamant.
“We will continue straight on with Brexit,” said a spokes-weeble. “We may wobble, but we never fall down. Nothing must be allowed to derail the process. We are completely clear about this. Any obstacles must be simply swept aside. We will be deflected neither to the left nor to the right, unless Donald Tusk tells us to.”
Geeks from the London University of Boffinry have examined Davis’s sat-nav system. Their report discloses that it speaks using Boris Johnson’s voice. The last command it gave was “Turn left, old boy, in about six yards, two yards, never mind… Drinkies?”
One man who claims to have an insight into Davis’s character is rent-a-gobshite MP Sir Roderick Bartleby-McSmythe.
“I knew David Davis’ father. We were at Harrow together,” he reminisced. “Chipmunk, we called him, because of his cheeky little face. His real name was also David Davis. So good they named me twice, that was always his little joke. Lovely chap, frightfully dim of course. Died of stress after attempting two three-syllable words in the same sentence. No great loss to parliament, but his wine cellar was legendary. Little Davie is a chipmunk off the old block!”
Pleased with his own joke, Sir Roderick lost himself in a fit of coughing and was unable to continue.
One thing’s for certain. The gentleman’s not for turning.