It’s “snow” joke.
Santa has sensationally sacked his seasonal sidekick, Rudolph.
The reason was that the much-loved face of animal disability was displaying typically low levels of productivity.
“It’s all for the best,” said Santa from his grotto at the North Pole. “I can’t afford passengers or celebrities on the team. Eight reindeer can do the work of nine. Besides, Rudolph hasn’t pulled his weight for donkey’s ears.”
Concerns have been raised that, lacking Rudolph’s bright, shiny, glowing nose, Santa would be unable to guide his sleigh. “Nonsense!” retorted the ruby cheeked cherub. “I’ve now installed those flashy LED thingies that cyclists use on my sleigh. Let me tell you, batteries are a lot cheaper than carrots and mince pies.”
Meanwhile, Rudolph was wandering morosely about the arctic tundra. “There’s no call for a sleigh puller-cum-headlight any more,” he moaned. “So it’s back to licking lichen off frozen rocks for me. I can’t claim benefits either, after ATOS declared me fit for work.
“All of the other reindeer were always bullying me,” he continued. “They would laugh at me and call me names and wouldn’t let me play with them. Santa didn’t care that I was being bullied for my disability. No wonder I went on a go-slow. Now this sodding nose of mine makes me a prime target for the arctic wolves. It’s a dog’s life, I tell you.”
Disability rights campaigners were outraged at the news and immediate action has been promised. They are organising a 24-hour hand-wringing vigil for Rudolph, and will write a stiff letter to The Guardian.
It was a feverish hive of activity back in Santa’s workshop. Haggard-faced elves ran back and forth with long lists of presents for overprivileged kids in developed countries. Santa himself was preparing to give a kick in the teeth to the starving children in the third world.
“They’ve brought it on themselves,” said Santa complacently. “Even dead people are being declared fit for work these days. That means nobody can be unemployed by definition.”
It’s a wonderful life, isn’t it?