The degradation of formerly Great Britain continued this week, with the news that Boris Johnson has again failed in his attempt to call a General Election he claims he does not want.

“Look, it’s just piffle to say that asking Parliament twice for a General Election meant I actually wanted one.  I don’t want one, and I never did, so ner, ner, ner, and moreover, may I say Mr Speaker, bok, bok bwark, the honourable Chlorinated Chicken opposite…”

“Mr Speaker,” interjected the Leader of the Opposition, “my party is ready for an election, and we relish the opportunity to rid the country of this liability and restore social justice, which is precisely why we rejected the Government’s calls for a Tory General Election,”

“Well, I never wanted to play with you anyway.  So ner.  I’m taking Parliament home for 5 weeks so take that,” responded the Right Honourable member for Uxbridge & South Ruislip, Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and pro rogue, Boris Johnson.

Parliament will now take five weeks holiday, during which it is expected that the Prime Minister will use his X-box account to further mock the Leader of the Opposition.  He is also expected to colour in his negotiation timetable and photocopy some library books he will never read.

Meanwhile, a survey of Rochdale residents has found that Britain’s favourite female Prime Minister, Theresa May, is now the most popular Prime Minister of recent memory.  Retirement seems to suit her skill set, and it is possible that in time she may be as well respected as John Major.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?