Big news in the world of politics today where the Mayor of Rushcliffe has been lambasted for not lying. Christine Jeffreys, Mayor of Rushcliffe announced to gathered children at the Christmas lights switch on in West Bridgeford that their parents, not Santa, would be putting presents under the tree at Christmas. Whilst there were no deaths, adults and children alike have been described as ‘absolutely traumatised’ after having witness the brutality of a politician not lying; simply and succinctly telling the truth.
‘We just weren’t expecting it.’ said one witness to the events. ‘There I was, minding my own business, posting on Facebook arguing with people on Facebook, defending my preferred Prime Ministerial candidate by revealing the lies of the other candidate whilst proving that the lies of my candidate were just taken out of context when all of sudden, the politician in front of me made a speech made up entirely of the truth.’
She continued ‘I just wasn’t ready for it. It hit me like a bombshell. I was expecting the normal political lies. in this case, reinforcing a lie that I perpetuate to my children in the vain hope that it might give me a brief glimpse of that excitement that I used to feel about Christmas when I was a kid. And she just went and told the fucking truth. Like it was a normal thing to do. There were children crying and parents desperately trying to shield their children from the utter truth that she was issuing forth. It’s just not right, it’s disgusting. What we expect from our politicians are comforting lies. It’s what they’re paid to do. I hope they burn her. Bitch’.
A Labour spokesman confirmed that Jeremy Corbyn had no plans to be honest with the electorate the whilst Conservative Campaign headquarters issued a statement ‘Rest assured that the Conservatives will not let the electorate down by and will continue to campaign based on lies and untruths’
Sighs of relief all around. Normal service restored.