Celebrity spotters and various other people with naff all better going on in their lives were feverishly screaming over rumours of a celebrity feud reaching breaking point this morning.
The feud erupted after it emerged veteran Frosties mascot and Kelloggs CEO, Tony the Tiger responded to calls from Essex wideboy and known sugarphobe Jamie Oliver to ban cartoon characters from cereal boxes by challenging him to a throw down.
Tiger, 56, was left furious after comments from Oliver that cartoon characters should be ‘aspirational figures’ used to promote various boring cereals such as Shredded Wheat, and not used to ‘peddle rubbish’ to children. Tiger even took to his official Twitter account to invite his foe to settle their differences once & for all.
“Fatboy, this time you’ve gone too far. We had to make good men like Ric the spaceman redundant (of Ricicles fame) because of PC thugs like you. I ain’t standing no more now. I’ll hand your ass to you, and it’ll be gggrrrrreeeeat. #snapcrackle&bitemyass.” This was Followed by an emoticon of a boxing glove with a hand flipping the bird.
Militant support from within the breakfast community has been growing following retweets from Coco the Monkey, the massive K from the Special K box and the Lucky Charms Leprechaun. The demonic rooster on the Cornflake box spectacularly accused Ricky Gervais of ‘Cultural Appropriation’ for shamelessly retweeting his support. A spokesperson for Oliver meekly tried to calm tensions, with bookies stoking flames by making Tiger 1/1000 favourite to win any prospective battle.
“This has been blown out of all proportion. Some of Jamie’s best friends are cereal box mascots. He loves Tony as much as the next man. We’ll be seeking to open dialogue soon over a nice healthy breakfast. Not too healthy, obviously, that’d be taking the Michael!!”
From the opposite camp, Tiger dismissed accusations of steroid abuse by smashing a table over a reporters head and being carted away by security screaming “I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!!”
The bout looks set to take place in the car park of Rochdale B&M once both sides can agree on the purse.