Amazon Tribe

Jeremy Hunt worshipped as God of pestilence and disease by Amazonian Tribe

An offshoot of the Kawahiva people of the Amazon, only recently discovered, are revealed to be remarkably aware of Jeremy Hunt, the health secretary. "Our culture reveres the position of shaman - a wise man...
Ainsley Harriott

Ainsley Harriott kicked out of satanic death cult for using too much turmeric

Speaking privately to The Rochdale Herald’s Donna Bellievitti, Satanic cultist and alleged writer Lynda la Plante discussed his expulsion from the group. "Look it's simple innit, evwywon nose dat U use Susie Salt to draw...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn branded anti-Semitic after celebrating crucifixion of Jewish man

Jeremy Corbyn has been forced to deny further allegations of anti-Semitism after being spotted celebrating the crucifixion of a Jewish man. The Jewish man in question died 2000 years ago after a short trial following...

Proof of God spotted in East Midlands

Huddersfield photographer Golcar Matt snapped a cloud in the shape of Great Britain, and meteorologists are debating its religious significance. “It is a clear sign of a Catholic God,” said Shinner McVeigh. “Just look at...
Laughing Jesus

Jesus admits, hollow easter eggs represent my empty promises

Jesus has clarified that hollow chocolate eggs symbolise the hollowness and empty promises at the heart of all religions. Jesus, or "The Light", as he prefers to be known said, "It's nothing to do with...

Paul Nuttall resigns as Archbishop of Canterbury

In a shock move Thursday Paul Nuttall, Member of the European Parliament for North West England EP and leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) has resigned from the post of Archbishop of...

Jesus admits to slamming doors of heaven on Jehovah’s Witnesses

There was consternation today as Jesus revealed to The Rochdale Herald that he slams the doors of heaven in the faces of Jehovah's Witnesses. Jesus said "They were the dumbest thing I ever invented. Basically,...

Jesus demands separate birthday and Christmas presents

Jesus Christ has gone on the record to say that he is absolutely sick and tired of relatives and friends buying him joint birthday and Christmas presents.

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not to be named, said "When we first announced the parts...

Church of England still utterly irrelevant clergy decide

After a long and protracted three year conversation with one another, Anglican clerics in silly fancy dress have said marriage should only be between a man and a woman.  This groundbreaking decision means they are...
Jesus Christ

Jesus rejects will of the people

Jesus of Nazareth rejects will of people and refuses to die On 23 June 33AD, the lawful Government represented by Pontius Pilate asked the people whether Jesus of Nazareth...
Shouting Man

Shouty, hypocritical know it all becomes leader of First Atheist church

A loud mouth atheist has taken his levels of preaching about all organized religion being evil to such lengths that he has organized a church to nourish his colossal ego and spread the word...

Atheists pilgrimage to Dawkins’ home after Darwin appears on toast

Hundreds of atheists have laid siege to the home of renowned ethnologist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins after he reported finding an image of Charles Darwin on a piece of toast yesterday morning. Dawkins...

God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite

Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act. It comes after the Garda completed their investigation into alleged blasphemy during a 2015...

Mary and Joseph to appear on the Jeremy Kyle Show following immaculate conception doubts

The parents of Jesus Christ, Mary and Joseph, will appear on a festive edition of the Jeremy Kyle Show next week, following doubts over the Messiah's paternity. Titled 'Immaculate Conception or Spectacular Deception?', it is...

PETA free thousands of battery farmed Jesuses forced into tiny cages for their chocolate...

Religious rights activists have launched coordinated raids around the world this morning and have successfully freed tens of thousands of battery farmed Jesuses from cages in barns. The Jesuses who are farmed for the chocolate...

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