The Pope

Pope declares all good atheists can go to heaven

In a surprise ecumenical encyclical from the Vatican, Pope Francis has indicated that atheists could be allowed to pass through the Pearly Gates and enjoy a celestial paradise until the end of time. Until now,...
God

Man looking for God admits he would be easier to find if he knew...

A Rochdale man has today admitted that it would have been much easier to find God had he known what God looks like. Garry Bennett began his search 10 years ago after meeting a successful entrepreneur at...

Church of England still utterly irrelevant clergy decide

After a long and protracted three year conversation with one another, Anglican clerics in silly fancy dress have said marriage should only be between a man and a woman.  This groundbreaking decision means they are...

Christmas ad not Christian enough say non church going Christians

The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a church at Christmas. The advert encouraging people to consume mindlessly,...

Atheists pilgrimage to Dawkins’ home after Darwin appears on toast

Hundreds of atheists have laid siege to the home of renowned ethnologist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins after he reported finding an image of Charles Darwin on a piece of toast yesterday morning. Dawkins...

Jesus admits to slamming doors of heaven on Jehovah’s Witnesses

There was consternation today as Jesus revealed to The Rochdale Herald that he slams the doors of heaven in the faces of Jehovah's Witnesses. Jesus said "They were the dumbest thing I ever invented. Basically,...
The Pope

If Barry Manilow is gay then I’m a Catholic says Pope

Housewives favourite and renowned woman shagger Barry Manilow stunned the world yesterday by finally revealing he's gay.

Corbyn washes feet of the poor in Belgravia

Our saviour, JC, for it was he, seen on the streets of Belgravia. Blessed are the poor, the meek, and the lowly. For lo, their time has come. The many shall inherit the Kingdom United,...

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