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Baz Cordouroy

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Baz Cordouroy is an imaginary friend of a cat called Tibbles. He likes nothing more than rolling on his back and having his tummy tickled. Tibbles however likes listening to Schoenberg and watching the films of Jean Renoir.
Burnley

Burnley twins with itself

After an extensive search, the Burnley Council has decided that the town best suited to twinning with Burnley is Burnley itself. "We hired a consultant...

Calm down love! Let me mansplain your research for you

Professor Eleanor Goodchild of the Cliff Claven Linguistics faculty at Rochdale Community University has published her findings on Male Answering Syndrome ('MAS'). The Herald's...
Badgers

Badgers vote for cull of Conservative MPs

Radical badgers have declared Dingley Dell an independent sovereign state and have threatened violent action against Conservative MPs in response to the continuing cull. The...

Forecasters predict Christmas will be a fraught and expensive ordeal

Economic experts are forecasting that Christmas 2017 will see a double digit percentage increase in cost to the average family, based on a basket...

Americans relieved to learn shooter was atheist

Concerned Americans were today relieved to hear that the Texas shooting was carried out by a human rights supporting atheist. Initially, US citizens were horrified...

Sex scandal latest – vicar says he was touched by God

In a startling new development in the ongoing revelations of sexual impropriety, Father Peter O'Fiall of St. Thomas the Dubious Roman Catholic Church in...

Idris Elba to play Duke of Wellington

In what has been seen as an homage to Brexit, Idris Elba is to take on the role of The Duke of Wellington in...
Meeting

We need another meeting to discuss this meeting

The Rochdale Global Enterprises' operations and functions sub-committee concluded yesterday that a further meeting was needed before its next meeting on Tuesday week. The RGEOFSC...
British Tourists

Britons still enjoy holidays abroad as long as they don’t meet foreigners

Britons have not fallen out of love with foreign holidays, according to a survey by Rochdale Community College's Leisure and Recreation Department. The survey found...
Southern Rail

After success with beavers in Scotland, trains to be reintroduced in South of England

Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct...

UK insists EU to have custody of Farage at weekends in Brexit divorce settlement

As part of the Brexit divorce settlement the EU has agreed to have Nigel Farage at weekends. In exchange for the financial settlement, believed...
Iceberg

Massive Iceberg applies for EU membership

In a shock development following its breakaway from Antarctica, the giant iceberg has applied for membership of the EU. A hastily formed government led by...
Middle Aged Man

Man ‘still hip’ because he likes new bands like Radiohead

Derek Brasshouse, 54, an accountant in Rochdale Borough Council's swimming pool department, considers himself to be still 'with it' because he enjoys new bands...
Angry Woman

If you’ve got something to say to me say it to my face, says...

Rochdale resident Rhona Rumbelow, 32, reacted angrily to something someone may or may not have said to someone else on Saturday at Swingers' nightclub...

Theresa May speaks to Herald – exclusive!

The Prime Minister has faced many difficulties over the past weeks - Brexit, terrorist attacks in Manchester and London, a poor election showing and...

People who speak in cliches to be removed from breeding population

Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches. "We first heard...

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