Professor Eleanor Goodchild of the Cliff Claven Linguistics faculty at Rochdale Community University has published her findings on Male Answering Syndrome (‘MAS’).

The Herald’s Baz Cordouroy tells us more.

Professor Goodchild’s study aims to put mansplaining into a scientific context for the first time.

I asked her to outline her principle findings.

“We devised a scenario in which male volunteers listened to females talking about everyday problems, then we reversed the scenario before analysing their reactions. It was from this that I was able to develop my MAS theory.”

So essentially she was observing how men helped out women with these problems.

“Er, no, not exactly. What we were looking for was…”

…how can men explain more comprehensively so that women find it easier to grasp the explanation?

“I’m not sure you’re…”

What she is telling us is that, although men are extremely helpful with their analysis of tricky subjects, somehow women are still not getting the gist of what they are saying. This is probably down to the way that men construct their responses, and maybe they need to use easier wording to get the message across. You know less…technical.

“That is not what I’m saying at all! Are you actually listening? My report…”

What is important, I tell her, with an academic report is to make sure that its sources are properly referenced. Harvard referencing is of course the standard system used by scientists and other professionals.

“Look, you cretin, I know…”

Getting such a paper peer reviewed is essential. As she is saying that women need a deeper explanation of certain subjects, it is crucial for Eleanor to seek endorsement from her male peers before she publishes her paper more widely.

“Grrrrr! Men!” she said, obviously agreeing with my helpful suggestion.

Ellie remembered that she had another appointment and was therefore unable to listen to any more of my views on her findings. It must be hard for her to make a name for herself in such a male-dominated profession, but maybe this article, even in a small way, will help.

For further information about the report, please email or write to me at the Rochdale Herald and I’ll explain it simply, so you can understand.

Baz Cordouroy is an imaginary friend of a cat called Tibbles. He likes nothing more than rolling on his back and having his tummy tickled. Tibbles however likes listening to Schoenberg and watching the films of Jean Renoir.