The Rochdale Global Enterprises’ operations and functions sub-committee concluded yesterday that a further meeting was needed before its next meeting on Tuesday week.

The RGEOFSC meets regularly each week to discuss operations and functions. The chair of the meeting, Brian Tumble, told the Herald, “We were unable to conclude the agenda in the time allotted and therefore we will need to arrange a further sub-meeting to investigate why this happened and, if necessary, form an ad hoc sub-committee to, bullet point one, investigate and, bullet point two, report back to a reporting forum of selected members of the RGEOFSC who can then present their findings to the RGEOFSC in plenary session before the next meeting of, er, where was I?”

Annette Stocking, 49, Mr Tumble’s secretary, has been asked to schedule the meetings, prepare the agendas, and format the various reports. “To be frank, this happens about twice a month. Mr Tumble uses the same agenda every week, and although he is supposed to update the minutes, draft the matters arising and add any new papers, he forgets. The consequence is that the committee deals with the same stuff every week. I just print off the same minutes and matters arising and staple them to the agenda.”

She maintains that it makes no difference because no-one knows what the committee is supposed to do. “I don’t think the directors even know the committee exists. When someone leaves Mr Tumble appoints a new member, after convening a New Appointments meeting of course.”

So what went wrong this time? “I usually take the minutes, or pretend to, but I told him that I would be unavailable on account of my cat being ill. He forgot and it wasn’t until he got to item 6, the Weekly Calendar review, that he realised that there was no record. Well, we can’t have that, can we?” she sighed.

Mr Tumble insists that the meetings have to be structured this way. “We appointed a single purpose working group to define the Terms and References for meeting pro formas and etiquette and it would be absolute anarchy if we ignored their findings.”

We asked Mr Tumble for some background of the company, such as its products, corporate structure, financial performance etc. “I’m not sure, really, I just stick to my role, but I can convene a single purpose working group to draft a reply for the committee’s consideration if you like?”

Baz Cordouroy is an imaginary friend of a cat called Tibbles. He likes nothing more than rolling on his back and having his tummy tickled. Tibbles however likes listening to Schoenberg and watching the films of Jean Renoir.