After 51 years, the DFS sale has finally come to an end.

With the news from Prime Minister Boris Johnson that the UK has effectively gone into lockdown, the board of furniture giant DFS have taken the difficult decision to bring their everlasting sale to an end.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do,” a spokesman told The Rochdale Herald. “The DFS sale is one of those constants in life, like death and taxes.”

It is anticipated that the sale will begin again 30 seconds after the Coronavirus emergency has been downgraded from red to amber.

To clarify the five states of the emergency are:

Red – Lockdown

Amber – We’d really rather you didn’t cough on each other

Yellow – Shut the pubs

Beige – Wash your hands to the tune of Happy Birthday

Green – Nothing to see here. Move on.

Thomas Thomas is Sub-Editor for The Rochdale Herald. Thomas is proud to support such causes as "Cornwall for Jam First" and "Drop Scones Not Bombs". His personal motto is "Fuck it, why not?"