After an extensive search, the Burnley Council has decided that the town best suited to twinning with Burnley is Burnley itself.

“We hired a consultant from Rochdale who suggested three towns, Trouduc in France, Klootzak in Holland and Culero in Spain,” said Nigel Splodd, head of the twinning committee. “Unfortunately, none of them replied. We rang the consultant again, but the number turned out to be the Dog and Donkey in Infirmary Street.”

Eventually, after listing Burnley’s attributes, the committee found only one possible matching candidate, namely Burnley. Mr Splodd said, “Someone did suggest instead of twinning, we have a suicide pact with Gdansk, but I’m not sure how that would go down with the voters.”

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Baz Cordouroy is an imaginary friend of a cat called Tibbles. He likes nothing more than rolling on his back and having his tummy tickled. Tibbles however likes listening to Schoenberg and watching the films of Jean Renoir.