An offshoot of the Kawahiva people of the Amazon, only recently discovered, are revealed to be remarkably aware of Jeremy Hunt, the health secretary.

“Our culture reveres the position of shaman – a wise man or woman who leads our people on matters of physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing. They are there at the difficult and transitional times of a person’s life – sickness, birth and death – to help in ways only they can, using their lore, knowledge and honour to assist everyone in their everyday life in being the best person they can be…

As in nature, of course, everything has it’s opposite, it’s diamtrically opposite force, to balance the universe… we call that force “The great Hunt”.

Our shamans would persuade you gently to take ayahuasca in a beautiful forest setting, to reaffirm your interrelationship with everything. The great Hunt would force you to take out-of-date Amitryptaline in a disused car park in Bromwich, because it’s cheaper than letting you see a shrink or a GP…

Diametrically opposite, see?”

The honour of being revered as God, albeit a malevolent, terrifying and destructive one, is an honour he shares with Prince Philip The Duke of Edinburgh who is worshipped by an island tribe of Vanuatu as a benevolent and lucky god. Proving that satire can’t exist in a vacuum and that the universe is basically a weird and ridiculous, temporary conundrum.

This still isn’t as weird as anything the DUP leadership believes or the fact they’re propping Theresa May’s efforts to form a strong and stable government.