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Spaniel Williams

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Hospital

If you lot weren’t so clumsy we wouldn’t need A&E, says Jeremy Hunt

The Minister for Health, Jeremy Hunt, has stated during an interview with our reporter that the pressure felt by A&E staff up and down...

Inner city youths escape prison for dogfighting by wearing red jackets and calling people...

Inner-city police are warning of the rise of a brutal new "sport" among the working classes, a savage, twisted parody of the fine ancient...

Baxter, president of Dogs, issues chilling warning to Felix, Beloved Leader of the Cats.

President Baxter of the Dogs has today issued an ultimatum and warning to his Cat counterpart, Beloved Leader Felix, over the rising tension in...
Swiper

Swiper named as Map Safety Ambassador by UN

The World Health Organization (WHO) has appointed Swiper, the thieving rodent, as a "map safety ambassador" to help tackle dangerous map use. New WHO head...
Trump on Warship

He knew what he signed up for, says dickhead who doesn’t know what he...

Proving once and for all that sometimes the best thing to say is nothing, Donald Trump told the widow of a grieving soldier that...
Rees Mogg

Argument for abortion makes argument against abortion

Underchinned Tory leadership hopeful Jacob Rees-Mogg has upset both women and homosexuals today by saying he is opposed to same-sex marriage and abortion under...
Connor McGregor

Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’

In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game...
Connor McGregor

Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’

In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game...
Terminator

Kids told not to worry about GCSE results as they will be ‘no use’...

Children have been told that GCSE's will be of no use in the coming land war with the robots. The education Secretary Justine Greening has...
Four Horsemen

Four horsemen of the modern apocalypse revealed to be Fire, Fury, Sad and Fake

In a move designed to drag them kicking and screaming into the new era, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are to be retired...
Tardis

Parallel dimension parking ‘trickier than it looks’ says new Doctor Who

In a shocking confirmation of what arseholes up and down the country have been saying for hours, the new Doctor has fucked it already...
Snake

Snake oil cures are for idiots, say snakes

A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying...

Philip Hammond apologises to women on cabinet for making sexist comment at ‘wrong time...

Philip Hammond has today apologised for his insensitive remarks about women by buying them all a jolly nice big bar of chocolate and a...

Jeremy Corbyn under investigation after making vicar’s daughter cry during hustings

Leftist wheat-eater Jeremy Corbyn came under fire from his own back-benchers today, after being accused of making a girl cry, and not just any...
Riot Police

Anarchists admit riot police look pretty cool despite differences

Dave Vidual, Head Chair of the National Association of Anarchists, said yesterday in a shockingly frank admission that most anarchists, while diametrically opposed to...
Doctor and Child

Autism definitely probably worse than polio, says anti-vax “professor”

Autism, a neurological developmental disorder, is definitely probably worse than polio, rubella and a host of other preventable diseases all but eradicated in the...

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