Leftist wheat-eater Jeremy Corbyn came under fire from his own back-benchers today, after being accused of making a girl cry, and not just any girl, but a vicar’s daughter, of all people.

The accusations that Jeremy Corbyn made the young woman cry during the hustings for the 2017 general election are being taken very seriously with calls for a full judge led public enquiry being heard from both sides of the house. Including Blairites in both the Labour and Conservative Parties.

Corbyn, a man who still eats pizza despite being a supposed vegetarian, is said to have upset the lovely young thing by not allowing her to win like any decent sort of chap would. Despite the contest being of no real importance and all the young lady’s idea in the first place.

This is a very, very poor display of sportmanship from the bearded yogurt-weaver in this journalist’s humble opinion and indicative of the sort of dirty, under-handed tactics that these so-called socialists will employ willy-nilly at the first whiff of victory.

We cannot and will not lay down and take this sort of treatment from the left any longer – what has politics become if making a girl cry is fair game?

All terribly different from the politics I remember so fondly, where a chap would be frowned upon greatly for making a girl cry, and you could call people hiding in woodpiles… people jolly well hiding in woodpiles.

Chilcot is expected to lead the enquiry and present his findings sometime on or before the dawn of the next millienium.