Underchinned Tory leadership hopeful Jacob Rees-Mogg has upset both women and homosexuals today by saying he is opposed to same-sex marriage and abortion under any circumstances.

“I’m catholic, and according to my beliefs abortion is never acceptable – what people need to realise is that if you insist upon leading a godless life, you will have to reap the rewards of sin!” said Mr Rees-Mogg, father of six, and himself one of five siblings.

“A more traditional approach to these matters will sort things out – instead of destroying the fruit of a nights passion in a sterile medical facility, you can deal with the problem traditionally – with coat-hangers and English gin and hot baths and prayer, lots and lots of prayer.

Similarly, if you are a homosexual who wishes to get married, I’m not going to stop you! You’d just better make sure you’re getting married to a WOMAN, you silly boys! I’m not against ‘hazing’, ‘initiations’, ‘rowdiness’ or any other code-word for homosexuality – I did go to Eton!

Wanting to normalise this kind of godlessness, however, is unacceptable – homosexuality is a sin, and should be kept behind closed doors, because it’s more saucy that way, knowing you might get cau- I mean, because God is vengeful, especially about bum stuff.”

When pushed on whether the child victims of rape and incest should be allowed an abortion he said no.

He is also apparently pushing a “no trousers” agenda for women and looking into repealing the Parliament (Qualification of Women) Act 1918 which gave women the vote.