Monday, June 18, 2018
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Ad Hill

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Santa slams rumours that he doesn’t exist as “fake news”

Father Christmas of North Pole fame is said to be fuming like a well mulled wine after a rumour has spread that he doesn't...

I’ll poo wherever I like, says baby

6 month old Tommy Leadbetter from Romford has spoken exclusively to The Rochdale Herald about how he manages his toilet regime. "First I was...

“I did not have fap relations with my work computer” says Damien Green

The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious...
Blackhole

Physicists discover Brexit actually a black hole that feeds on political parties

The astrophysics world has been in overdrive this week at the announcement of a newly discovered black hole located somewhere over the English Channel. The...

NRA and Gideons to issue guns in bibles

In response to the recent awful church shooting, the question has to be, why can’t everyone have guns? If everyone was armed this wouldn’t...

UN tells Goodwill Ambassador to fuck off

After a record low of zero days in the job, the new UN Ambassador, whose job it would've been to generally spread love and...

Miraculous Jesus face found on Twinkie atop words “sort your fucking gun laws out”

A Mr Billy-Bob Jnr III of Kentucky has made the US news with his Jackpot discovery in an all American snack pack. After a...

DWP declared May’s vocal cords fit for work

The budget statistics for the Department for Work and Pensions can often hide the raw human stories of the effects of poverty and joblessness. In...

If everyone had nukes we’d all be safe, says Kim Jong-un

Following the awful Las Vegas massacre, the Great Leader of North Korea has barrelled into the ensuing gun control debate. His message came through...

Anti-facemask campaigners in balaclavas thrilled about Austrian Burkha ban

In a welcome development for table thumping foam merchants from the far right, all face coverings have been banned in Austria. For years, members far...
Kim Jong Un Submarine

Fatboy Kim to re-release his mix of Radioactivity

In a move to hail his comeback, the king of hereditary Marxist dictators, Kim Young Un aka Fatboy Kim, has announced a rehashing of...
fire safety experts

Fire safety experts admit fire escapes probably not best place for massive explosive gas...

Camden fire chiefs are today red faced at having to admit to missing bleedin' obvious fire hazards in poor peoples' containment blocks on all...

Fireproof cladding found for Westminster cover up

Following years of swingeing corner cutting, government officials anticipate further public outrage and blame as fallout from the Grenfell catastrophe. Luckily a magic money tree...
Running

DUP explains kneecapping naughtier than running through wheat field

Talks between the Conservatives and the DUP are said to be ongoing as the PM desperately tries to cobble together a slim working majority...

Deranged cycle path murders his spell checker

Rochdale police have announced they have comprehended and changed a man in his fortes for the brittle killing of his spell checker. In a statesman, a...

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