The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer at work.

The claims have been made by an ex officer involved in a raid on the MP’s workplace nine years ago. The raid was part of an unrelated Home Office investigation into leaks.

Neil Lewis, who left the force in 2014 has said there were “thousands” of thumbnail images of legal pornography on the computer used by Theresa May’s deputy. He has also said it would be “ridiculous to suggest anybody else” could have fapped over the hard drive.

However Mr Green has absolutely refuted this. In a statement made to cameras outside his home in Kent the politician made the following statement;

“I’m going to say this again, I cannot comment on an ongoing investigation so I will make this comment on the ongoing investigation: I did not have fap relations with that computer. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. Ever. These allegations are false. Wan…erm… Thank you.”

In a parallel development some are coining “Fappucino-gate”, the mother of an ex office cleaner for Mr Green says she is in possession of an old mouse mat her daughter removed whilst working there.

The Pornhub-themed mouse mat is said to have suspicious stains on it, but supporters for the MP claim these are just the remnants of a particularly frothy Cappuccino.

We will, of course, keep you updated on any further developments.