Belinda Carlisle vindicated as Heaven proved to be a place on Earth.

The scientific and religious worlds were in shock yesterday after a newly discovered island in a remote part of the Indian Ocean was found to be inhabited exclusively by the souls of the virtuous....

Trump to brave Muslim controlled no go area during UK Visit

Despite the advice of Fox News commentator, Steven Emerson, advisors to Donald Trump have said that there is a strong possibility that the so-called President's main rally on his upcoming visit to the UK...

Jacob Rees-Mogg is a twat, confirms Jesus

In a rare public outburst Jesus H Christ has taken to social media to call Jacob Rees-Mogg a "complete twat." Speaking from his spaceship's jacuzzi moored off the coast of Cloud Cuckoo Land Jesus H...
Shouty man

‘Corporal punishment should be reinstated’ – people against Sharia law

A recent survey of lobotomised knuckle dragging fuck nuggets revealed that they are fighting against the values that they themselves hold most dear. We caught up with one of the  participants, Baz 'Smiff', a UKIP...

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not to be named, said "When we first announced the parts...

Corbyn washes feet of the poor in Belgravia

Our saviour, JC, for it was he, seen on the streets of Belgravia. Blessed are the poor, the meek, and the lowly. For lo, their time has come. The many shall inherit the Kingdom United,...
Call Centre

Catholic Church installs automated ‘Buggery Forgiveness Hotline’ to ease waiting times

The hard-pushed Catholic Church has created call-centre style automated phone lines to reduce congestion caused by confessing their most popular sin. "Local priests across the region were telling us that Sundays were becoming a nightmare,"...

Outrage in Rochdale over proposed Santa suit ban

Rochdale religious groups are screaming red white and blue murder over a proposed ban on the traditional Santa suit. This follows the New Year outrage in Turkey when in the early hours of New Year's...
Mike Pence

US replaces health insurance with crossed fingers, hoping and prayer

There has been a wave of concern regarding universal access to healthcare across the United States after Donald Trump, Mike Pence and the GOP officially repealed Obamacare this week. "We have hereditary birth defects in my family, and...
Bleeding figure of Christ

PC BBC bans ‘graphically violent’ crucifixion depictions for Easter

In a controversial move, the BBC has announced it will be 'normalising' it's guidelines for showing scenes of violence, by banning all images of the crucifixion. This will not be a new policy, it says,...

Not enough young gay men commit suicide say arseholes in Anglican Synod

The utterly irrelevant small minded patronising pricks, bitches and utter arseholes in the Anglican Synod have said that not enough vulnerable young men kill themselves every year.

Satirist attempts to write Muhammad joke in bid to appease angry ‘Christians’

A writer for the internet's biggest Rochdale-based satire site, The Rochdale Herald, has spent the past 15 minutes trying to conjure up some sort of Muhammad joke in a bid to appease a bunch...
Black Jesus

Black Jesus denies rumours he is bowling hurricanes at Mar a lago

Speaking from his home near Cape Verde, Black Jesus denied that his decision to spend time exploring his roots in West Africa has had anything to do with the recent uptick in hurricane prevalence. “Sure,...

NRA and Gideons to issue guns in bibles

In response to the recent awful church shooting, the question has to be, why can’t everyone have guns? If everyone was armed this wouldn’t have happened. We need guns in our pockets. We need...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...

Church of England still utterly irrelevant clergy decide

After a long and protracted three year conversation with one another, Anglican clerics in silly fancy dress have said marriage should only be between a man and a woman.  This groundbreaking decision means they are...

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