Dalai Lama fury over Louis Smith Buddha is a fat bastard comments

The Dalai Lama is said to be incandescently furious with Louis Smith after he was overheard calling Buddha a "fat fucker". Two time Olympic Pommel Horse runner up, Strictly Come Dancing winner and sore loser...
Call Centre

Catholic Church installs automated ‘Buggery Forgiveness Hotline’ to ease waiting times

The hard-pushed Catholic Church has created call-centre style automated phone lines to reduce congestion caused by confessing their most popular sin. "Local priests across the region were telling us that Sundays were becoming a nightmare,"...

I’m nothing like Pope antichrist tells DUP

In an exclusive interview with The Rochdale Herald, the antichrist tells the DUP "I'm nothing like the Pope!" On a damp and surprisingly chilly June morning I travelled to my meeting with a certain sense...
Brian

Corbyn confirmed as ‘not Messiah, but a very naughty boy’

In a shock revelation today, it has been confirmed that the Labour leader and General Election candidate Jeremy Corbyn is not in fact the Messiah, but instead is 'a very naughty boy.' The announcement came...

Jesus demands separate birthday and Christmas presents

Jesus Christ has gone on the record to say that he is absolutely sick and tired of relatives and friends buying him joint birthday and Christmas presents.

God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite

Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act. It comes after the Garda completed their investigation into alleged blasphemy during a 2015...

Bishop of Coventry confused over sexuality

The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage. "I didn't know which way to turn," squealed his High Vicarage. "Peter made his comment...

Christmas ad not Christian enough say non church going Christians

The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a church at Christmas. The advert encouraging people to consume mindlessly,...

Jesus admits to slamming doors of heaven on Jehovah’s Witnesses

There was consternation today as Jesus revealed to The Rochdale Herald that he slams the doors of heaven in the faces of Jehovah's Witnesses. Jesus said "They were the dumbest thing I ever invented. Basically,...
Bleeding figure of Christ

PC BBC bans ‘graphically violent’ crucifixion depictions for Easter

In a controversial move, the BBC has announced it will be 'normalising' it's guidelines for showing scenes of violence, by banning all images of the crucifixion. This will not be a new policy, it says,...

Not enough young gay men commit suicide say arseholes in Anglican Synod

The utterly irrelevant small minded patronising pricks, bitches and utter arseholes in the Anglican Synod have said that not enough vulnerable young men kill themselves every year.

Sex scandal latest – vicar says he was touched by God

In a startling new development in the ongoing revelations of sexual impropriety, Father Peter O'Fiall of St. Thomas the Dubious Roman Catholic Church in Rochdale, claims that he 'was touched by God' many years...

Mary and Joseph to appear on the Jeremy Kyle Show following immaculate conception doubts

The parents of Jesus Christ, Mary and Joseph, will appear on a festive edition of the Jeremy Kyle Show next week, following doubts over the Messiah's paternity. Titled 'Immaculate Conception or Spectacular Deception?', it is...
Laughing Jesus

Jesus admits, hollow easter eggs represent my empty promises

Jesus has clarified that hollow chocolate eggs symbolise the hollowness and empty promises at the heart of all religions. Jesus, or "The Light", as he prefers to be known said, "It's nothing to do with...
Jesus Good Friday

Good Friday wasn’t one of my best Fridays admits Jesus

Jesus H Christ has taken to social media in support of Tesco saying that, despite claims by religious extremists Good Friday was actually a pretty crap Friday. "I don't know why people keep calling it...
Shouting Man

Shouty, hypocritical know it all becomes leader of First Atheist church

A loud mouth atheist has taken his levels of preaching about all organized religion being evil to such lengths that he has organized a church to nourish his colossal ego and spread the word...

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