Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

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A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not to be named, said "When we first announced the parts...

Catholic Church accuses Asian paedophile gang of cultural appropriation

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The Roman Catholic Church has accused a convicted Asian paedophile gang of cultural appropriation. Vatican spokesman, Riccardo Ricci said, "This is disgusting. We were doing paedophilia for centuries before their religion was even invented. Did...
Parents

Man in a frock told us boys shouldn’t wear dresses, say parents suing school...

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The parents of a child who saw another boy in a dress at school are suing the school because a man in a frock said boys can't wear dresses. The man in the frock apparently...

Local man begins annual quest to find Muslim offended by the word ‘Easter’

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Our intrepid reporter Charlie Stuart spends the day with a patriot on a mission.

Belinda Carlisle vindicated as Heaven proved to be a place on Earth.

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The scientific and religious worlds were in shock yesterday after a newly discovered island in a remote part of the Indian Ocean was found to be inhabited exclusively by the souls of the virtuous....

Christmas ad not Christian enough say non church going Christians

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The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a church at Christmas. The advert encouraging people to consume mindlessly,...

Paul Nuttall Converted To Judaism

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Reports are circulating that investigators digging into the unbelievable past of the UKIP Leader have unearthed a 2004 MySpace page entry in which Paul Nuttall announced his conversion to Judaism. It's not certain whether Paul was responsible...

God brings Christopher Hitchens back from the dead for ‘shits and giggles’

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Deceased intellectual and prominent atheist resurrected by The Almighty 'for a bit of a laugh' following hiatus. Following what close acquaintances have described as 'a bit of a career lull', God, creator of the Earth,...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Pope to beatify Katie Hopkins after death of her reputation…

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The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...

Satirist attempts to write Muhammad joke in bid to appease angry ‘Christians’

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A writer for the internet's biggest Rochdale-based satire site, The Rochdale Herald, has spent the past 15 minutes trying to conjure up some sort of Muhammad joke in a bid to appease a bunch...
Ainsley Harriott

Ainsley Harriott kicked out of satanic death cult for using too much turmeric

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Speaking privately to The Rochdale Herald’s Donna Bellievitti, Satanic cultist and alleged writer Lynda la Plante discussed his expulsion from the group. "Look it's simple innit, evwywon nose dat U use Susie Salt to draw...

God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite

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Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act. It comes after the Garda completed their investigation into alleged blasphemy during a 2015...

Colonists on LV-426 excited after discovery of Easter eggs

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Colonists on the Terraforming, research and mining colony Hadley's Hope have discovered what appears to be a large amount of Easter eggs in a strange abandoned space ship. Prospectors Russ and Anne Jordan made the...
Angry Man Christmas

Rochdale man disappointed he hasn’t been arrested for wishing people Merry Christmas

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A Rochdale man has been telling us that he is furious that he hasn't yet been arrested for wishing people a Merry Christmas. Bill Board, who has been to church twice in 30 years told...

Mary forced to give birth on stable floor after health insurance refuses to cover...

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A woman that claims she's about to give birth to the son of God has told the Herald, about how she is being forced to give birth on a stable floor. Mary told us, "I...
People on bus laughing

Religious fervour hits Rochdale bus passengers

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A local member of one of the world's 4200 religions is utterly convinced that his is the correct one.   Stating confidently that “It is, innit?”, a Rochdale resident proceeded to explain to exasperated passengers...

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