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Nosmo King

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Celebrity Big Brother

Big Brother to launch Celebrity version with actual celebrities in 2019

Producers of smash-hit and hugely relevant TV show Big Brother have announced a new twist for 2019....actual celebrities will enter the Big Brother house...
Irn Bru

Street prices hits £2 a hit in Glasgow as addicts stockpile Irn Bru

Street pushers in Glasgow have been demanding up to £2 for a hit of Irn Bru as addicts have started stockpiling ahead of a...

Fury as EU force England Cricket Team to wear pink caps

Fury has erupted in the cricketing World as power mad Eurocrats have forced England cricketers into wearing EU coloured pink caps.The Euro-wankers, already quaking...

Burnley Nativity Play cancelled after search for 3 wise men and virgin ends in...

Burnley Council has been forced to cancel its annual community Nativity Play for the 126th consecutive year in succession.After another exhaustive search of the...
Burnley

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022.Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement...
Scunthorpe

Palestinians Recognise Scunthorpe as Capital of US, Answering Question ‘Who put the ‘Trump’ in...

Following the United States decision to recognise Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, the Palestinian authorities have entered into the spirit of things and...

Panic across UK as white substance continues to fall from sky

A state of emergency has been declared in a number of regions after a strange white substance fell from the sky recently.As councils...
Birmingham Park in Snow

‘No Bad News Day’ in West Midlands after all morons are snowed-in

The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible...

Wise Men slam ‘unreasonable expectations’ as ‘Virgin’ Mary’s first sausage is a foot-long manger...

Some wise men have today hit back at a high street bakers claiming that their 'Foot-Long Sausage Roll' creates unrealistic expectations about baked goods....
Cat

I’m unlikely to put up with your shit much longer, cat tells owner after...

A 4 year old black and white cat from Twickenham has told its owner Steve that "It's pretty fucking unlikely that I will be...

Da Vinci’s ‘My Spunky Pantaloons’ sells for £45m

A previously unknown Leonardo da Vinci work "My Spunky Pantaloons" has been bought bought by Charles Saatchi for £45m.The jizzy kecks will be...

Ryanair cancels all flights to Russia

Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018.The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between...

Significantly lower brain function can lead to heading footballs, scientists reveal

Scientists have revealed that significantly lower brain function can lead to being a footballer.Researchers said they had identified "significantly lower levels of brain function"...
Bob Geldof

Sanctimonious tax avoiding ex-pat hands back key to city he doesn’t live in for...

London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin.Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays...
Dog

There’s way more to choosing where to poo than you realise Dog tells owner

"There's way more to choosing where to poo than you realise" Bobby, a 5 year old Chocolate Lab from York has told The Rochdale...

Thomas Cook Launch “40% Off Term-Time Holidays” Voucher

Holiday giant Thomas Cook have taken action after coming under pressure from the Government and consumer groups over the price of family holidays...

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