The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible day off work.

As regular viewers of the Express & Star website logged-on for their daily dose of awful events and single-digit IQ antics, it became clear that they were to be sorely disappointed.
Regular reader Stuart Davison from London said “With that lad cementing his head inside a microwave over the weekend I had really high hopes for the fresh horrors that

Wolverhampton would visit upon themselves, but nothing – it’s all snow angels and love thy neighbour!”

However, with crime at an all-time low, West Midlands Police are believed to be looking into purchasing snow machines to cover every street in Walsall 52 weeks of the year.

Chief Inspector Dibble of Walsall Police said “If we can get Boris Johnson’s useless Water Cannon converted into snow machines we can all take the year off. Bostin’ aye it!”