Holiday giant Thomas Cook have taken action after coming under pressure from the Government and consumer groups over the price of family holidays during school term times.

They are now offering huge 40% discount voucher to new customers.

Head of customer relations, Danny Wadden said “We at Thomas Cook are a family business and we are committed to offering great value for money. So to help people access affordable holidays we are offing this free voucher which will save you up to 40% on your holidays for as long as you chose to use it.

“We fully understand that its really tough for people to take responsibility for their own actions”

He continued “I mean, there is no way they can be expected keep it in their trousers or maybe buy a few less Lottery tickets. We have to admit, it’s totally our fault that you only thought through the decision to have kids up until the point where you couldn’t quite decide if you want them educated or sun-burned.

“And in fairness” he said, starting to sound a little like he could do with a bit more sleep and little less alcohol, “it is a completely compelling argument that spending 5 days as a prisoner of an underfunded ‘Kidz Club’ is of more educational value than learning to read and write.

“It’s an easy problem for someone else to solve, right? The fact that it is the same in every country in the World and people from the UK are competing for hotel places with other families from across Europe who do want their kids educated?…totally down to Thomas Cook and ‘the Government should do something about it…bleety bleet bleet!’

“And who need school anyway, right? I mean, you have taught them the most important lesson of all. Not that ‘family comes first’ but that ‘if you want something and can’t afford it you should just take it and then complain it wasn’t fair in the first place’!


Mr Wadden then kicked over the stand and left the stage.