“There’s way more to choosing where to poo than you realise” Bobby, a 5 year old Chocolate Lab from York has told The Rochdale Herald.

Breaking his silence, Bobby said that it has been a source of frustration for many dogs. “It’s not as simple as it is for our humans who can just curl one out every time the wife wants them to vacuum the lounge,” he explained. “There are so many factors involved. It’s very technical, you wouldn’t understand.”

However, his owner Andrew Clough, hit back. “We have lived in the same village his entire life. If he doesn’t get his night time doo-doos then he will be scratching the door at 3am…..so every night we go for the same walk at the same time…and it seems to come as a total fucking surprise to him!

“We have to investigate the whole fucking place before he runs 100 metres back down the high-street and dumps in the pub car park or on my mates lawn or something like that”

But Bobby was not taking that lying down on his owner’s expensive new duvet.

“This is typical of the ignorance and intransigence that we of the LGBT Community (Labrador, German Shepherd, Beagles & Terriers) suffer at the hands of the non-furry community. It is a highly nuanced situation and as far as I can tell it’s way outside his sphere of expertise!”

Bobby has now gone on a “work to rule” strike and will be shitting right behind the front door and peeing in his owner’s shoes until this dispute is resolved.