Trump to brave Muslim controlled no go area during UK Visit

Despite the advice of Fox News commentator, Steven Emerson, advisors to Donald Trump have said that there is a strong possibility that the so-called President's main rally on his upcoming visit to the UK...
Bleeding figure of Christ

PC BBC bans ‘graphically violent’ crucifixion depictions for Easter

In a controversial move, the BBC has announced it will be 'normalising' it's guidelines for showing scenes of violence, by banning all images of the crucifixion. This will not be a new policy, it says,...

PETA free thousands of battery farmed Jesuses forced into tiny cages for their chocolate...

Religious rights activists have launched coordinated raids around the world this morning and have successfully freed tens of thousands of battery farmed Jesuses from cages in barns. The Jesuses who are farmed for the chocolate...
Black Jesus

Black Jesus denies rumours he is bowling hurricanes at Mar a lago

Speaking from his home near Cape Verde, Black Jesus denied that his decision to spend time exploring his roots in West Africa has had anything to do with the recent uptick in hurricane prevalence. “Sure,...

Islam a lifestyle choice, says man who chose rabidly Islamophobic lifestyle

In a desperate attempt to justify religious persecution, a foaming bigot from Croydon has declared that Islam is a lifestyle choice and therefore fair game for criticism... and by criticism he means accusing all...

Archbishop Suspended By Labour Over Historically Discredited Old Testament

Labour have suspended Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury. In an enquiry it was claimed that the Archbishop, 53, had been reported to the Labour party after quoting discredited historians and distributing anti-Semitic literature. Speaking to...
Amazon Tribe

Jeremy Hunt worshipped as God of pestilence and disease by Amazonian Tribe

An offshoot of the Kawahiva people of the Amazon, only recently discovered, are revealed to be remarkably aware of Jeremy Hunt, the health secretary. "Our culture reveres the position of shaman - a wise man...
Jesus Good Friday

Good Friday wasn’t one of my best Fridays admits Jesus

Jesus H Christ has taken to social media in support of Tesco saying that, despite claims by religious extremists Good Friday was actually a pretty crap Friday. "I don't know why people keep calling it...

Paul Nuttall Converted To Judaism

Reports are circulating that investigators digging into the unbelievable past of the UKIP Leader have unearthed a 2004 MySpace page entry in which Paul Nuttall announced his conversion to Judaism. It's not certain whether Paul was responsible...

Vicar attacked for dropping Easter from Easter Sunday

A 45 year-old Rochdale man is recovering in hospital today after being attacked for not referring to this coming Sunday as ‘Easter Sunday’. The victim, Rev. Roger Simpkins, was greeting a member of his congregation...

Relief for western buddhists as 5th noble truth says “Get on it!”

The world of Buddhism was flipped upside down today as a new addition to the original 4 noble truths was discovered in a monastery in Tibet. The 5000 year old scripture stated a previously unseen...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Pope to beatify Katie Hopkins after death of her reputation…

The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...
Call Centre

Catholic Church installs automated ‘Buggery Forgiveness Hotline’ to ease waiting times

The hard-pushed Catholic Church has created call-centre style automated phone lines to reduce congestion caused by confessing their most popular sin. "Local priests across the region were telling us that Sundays were becoming a nightmare,"...
The Pope

Pope declares all good atheists can go to heaven

In a surprise ecumenical encyclical from the Vatican, Pope Francis has indicated that atheists could be allowed to pass through the Pearly Gates and enjoy a celestial paradise until the end of time. Until now,...
God

Man looking for God admits he would be easier to find if he knew...

A Rochdale man has today admitted that it would have been much easier to find God had he known what God looks like. Garry Bennett began his search 10 years ago after meeting a successful entrepreneur at...

Church of England still utterly irrelevant clergy decide

After a long and protracted three year conversation with one another, Anglican clerics in silly fancy dress have said marriage should only be between a man and a woman.  This groundbreaking decision means they are...

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