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Anna Falaxis

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"A one-trick feminazi who has obviously never been laid" (Facebook); "Securely packaged and arrived in good time for my sister's birthday" (Amazon)
Haggis

Haggis ‘just a joke we play on the English’ admits Scotland

With Burns Night suppers planned across Scotland tonight, people are gearing up for the annual celebration of everything it means to be Scottish: fine...

Getting drunk and falling over is the real meaning of Christmas, says everyone

Heavy drinking from breakfast till unconsciousness has won the top spot in a national survey to discover what makes Christmas so special for the...
David Davis

David Davis tells Select Committee the dog ate his Brexit Impact Assessment

David Davis, the Secretary for Probably Exiting the European Union, has confirmed to the House of Lords Select Committee that he has definitely done...

Only 17 more sleeps until numpties stop saying how many sleeps until Christmas

The London Sleep Clinic has today confirmed that it should only be necessary to go to bed 17 more times before everyone regains the...
Ecstasy

SHOCK after ECSTASY tablet found to contain traces of MDMA

Rochdale Police today issued a warning to recreational drug users that Ecstasy tablets are being sold in the local area that actually contain some...

All guns to be armed with guns

In the wake of the latest mass shooting of innocent people to take place on U.S. soil, the National Rifle Association has issued a...

The Rochdale Herald’s Top Ten Tips for Real Supporters and True Football Fans

In honour of signing world famous football man Neville Southall to the Rochdale Herald, here are our top ten tips for real supporters and...
M & M

M&Ms Sharing packs to be renamed Who Are You To Judge Me packs

Chocolate mega-conglomerate Mars have confirmed they are renaming 'Share' packs to more accurately reflect their customers' selfish, secretive consumption style. Advertising campaigns for the larger...

Britain leaves E.U. in last night’s dress and no tights

At 6.30 this morning, Britain hailed a taxi while attempting to wipe off the worst of last night's make-up, confident in the knowledge that...
Harvey Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein apologises for James Corden jokes

Hollywood millionaire Harvey Weinstein has said he is "truly sorry" for cracking jokes about James Corden at a black tie charity dinner in Los...

Notional round token to be replaced by notional hexagonal token

The Rochdale Herald would like to remind readers that as of next week the shiny gold circles they exchange for goods and services will...

Norway’s female football team found in cocaine-fuelled strip club romp

Just hours after the Norwegian football association ruled that female footballer's pay must be brought in line with that of the men's, the entire...

Woman dismayed by number of volunteers after threatening Facebook cull

A Rochdale woman today described feeling 'shocked and disappointed' by the number of people who volunteered to be removed from her friends list after...

Tributes flood in for trailblazing feminist who has died aged 91

The world is today in mourning for pioneering feminist and humanitarian Hugh Hefner, who has died at his home in California just hours after...
Arab men laughing

Historic ruling means Saudi men finally allowed to make women driver jokes

Equality campaigners were today celebrating as Saudi Arabia made a long-overdue change to its oppressive rules which prevent men from making jokes about women's...
Florence

Theresa May to prove in Florence it’s not just British people who don’t listen...

The British Prime Minister is today at the EU Summit in Florence to give a landmark speech to a 4,000 seat amphitheatre containing one...

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