Rochdale Police today issued a warning to recreational drug users that Ecstasy tablets are being sold in the local area that actually contain some proper drugs.

3000 tablets containing a small amount of the psychoactive ingredient Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA) were seized by police on Sunday at an address off Hunter’s Lane in Rochdale city centre; however, police warn that more are likely to be in circulation over the Christmas period.

The presence of even trace amounts of MDMA came as a complete surprise to the drugs lab conducting the analysis, as tablets sold as ‘Ecstasy’ in Rochdale are more typically made from a compound of athlete’s foot powder, rat poison, ketamine and fertiliser known among local dealers as ‘Rochdale Razzle-Dazzle’.

Detective Chief Inspector David Smith of Greater Manchester Police told the Herald that suspicions were aroused late on Saturday night, when there was a massive drop in the number of violent crimes being reported in the city centre.

Bobbies on the city centre beat between 11pm and 3am on Saturday night, during which time Rochdale is usually an orgy of half-naked brawling, vomiting and anti-social behaviour, instead reported groups of people gathered in peaceful groups; dancing, telling one another their long-buried secrets, and hugging in a loving, slightly sexual way.

The saucer-eyed revellers stumbled off, gently raving to the bass thumping from the nearby nightclubs, without the need to deploy the attack dogs and riot vans usually required on a Saturday night. DCI Smith said the experience left his officers ‘shaken and confused’.

“Even my most job-hardened officers had never seen anything like it”, DCI Smith told the Herald.

“We pride ourselves on spending every Friday and Saturday night dragging bloodied, shirtless young men into the back of a van, and picking up girls who have toppled from eight inch heels and ripped their leopardskin boob tube.”

“Wading through the ankle-deep snow of plastic shot glasses and nightclub flyers every weekend to prevent a man wearing a pair of enormous plastic sunglasses and a rainbow wig from climbing onto the roof of a car is what we spent years training for.”

“I’m not letting some drug-dealing filth do me out of a job.”