In the wake of the latest mass shooting of innocent people to take place on U.S. soil, the National Rifle Association has issued a warning that the only way to prevent further tragedy is to ensure all weapons are issued with firearms of their own.
“An unarmed gun can’t be expected to defend itself”, NRA spokesperson Horace Smith told the Herald. “A terrorist could come in and shoot your gun unless it was practising its constitutional right to bear arms.
“We need to ensure that every firearm, from the simple pistol in your purse right down to the semi-automatic assault rifle in every family home, is armed with a concealed weapon of its own. It’s the only way to keep our children safe.”
When asked how such a system could have prevented the tragic death of 22 people in church, Mr Smith revealed further plans by the NRA to make every part of every building in America out of guns.
“The only way to keep churchgoers safe is to build all the pews out of guns”, explained Mr Smith. “Doors made of guns, tile the floors with guns and use bullets instead of communion wafers. I only drink gun oil instead of water now. It’s the only way to keep America safe.
“All the trees will be chopped down and replaced with giant hunting rifles and our children will be forced to scoop out their eyes and replace them with bullets.
“It’s absolutely the only possible logical way that we can feasibly tackle the out of control gun crime in our country and I won’t hear any lunatic ideas from those Libtard gun control commies about any other so-called solution.”