At 6.30 this morning, Britain hailed a taxi while attempting to wipe off the worst of last night’s make-up, confident in the knowledge that the best possible Brexit deal had been secured.

After the key dinner aimed at breaking the Brexit deadlock was announced as a success, Britain assured waiting reporters that ‘the relationship had reached the next stage’, and that further meetings would be taking place as soon as possible.

Downing Street sources said the couple spent the evening having a “broad, constructive exchange on current European and global challenges”, before enjoying a Marks & Spencer meal deal and watching the 1993 French film Three Colours Blue, starring Juliette Binoche. It is believed they had a small dispute about having to put the subtitles on, but this was quickly resolved.

Britain told the press, “We will definitely be meeting again to discuss the next stage. That film is the first in a trilogy so we’ll need to meet two more times at the very least. In fact I’m planning to take him on a cultural exchange of my own later, to the fish and chip shop followed by some cans in the park. I don’t have his number and he’s accidentally blocked me on Facebook, but I know he can’t get enough of me so I’m confident he’ll get in touch later today.

“There was a bit of a misunderstanding this morning when I threatened to leave and he said ‘well go on then, get on with it if you’re going’. I said he’d have to pay for my taxi ride home and he just rolled over and grunted. I’ll definitely get it back off him when I see him later though. With interest.”

Europe was unavailable for comment, but was seen putting a large number of wine bottles in the recycling and taking delivery of a Dominos pizza box before drawing the bedroom curtains for the rest of the day.