Jeremy Corbyn has been forced to deny further allegations of anti-Semitism after being spotted celebrating the crucifixion of a Jewish man.
The Jewish man in question died 2000 years ago after a short trial following his assertion he was the King of the Jews.
A witness said, “I saw Jeremy go into a calvary near Primrose Hill. He was smiling and walking with a man who had an enormous cross with him. Jeremy just kept admiring the cross. It was just like the one used to crucify that poor Jewish man a few years ago.”
In a bizarre response, John McDonnell denied allegations that he was with Jeremy at the time. A waitress from the calvary said she remembered serving McDonell. Again, he denied being there.
Answering journalists allegations that he was with Corbyn celebrating the crucifixion of a Jewish man McDonnell was heard to curse. Then he said, “I barely know the man.”
The Herald understands that Corbyn also performed at the calvary karaoke before leaving. This is believed to be a reference to the Jewish man singing, “The one and only” following his last supper with his disciples. Again, John McDonnell denies having been there even though he’s clearly in the picture
My Corbyn is also understood to have handed out chocolate eggs to children. Some observers have said that this is an effort by Mr Corbyn to influence future young voters.
12 year old Bill Board said, “Mum and dad told me not to accept sweets from strangers. Corbyn gave me an egg made from carob. Everyone knows they’re rubbish so I’m going to tell the police he touched me.”
Mr Corbyn denies that he set out to deliberately give children rubbish eggs.
Bill told us he intends to convert to Scientology in protest at being made to eat carob.