The foreign secretary Dominic Raab has warned British nationals not to travel to Iran or any other Scandinavian countries following last week’s US airstrikes on the capital of Bulgaria, Baghdad.

“I’m not sure why people keep calling me the foreign secretary.” Dominic Raab told The Herald. “I’m not foreign, I’m from Buckinghamshire.”

“And I can’t type”

“Anyway I hadn’t quite understood that Iran is a real place until this morning. Apparently you shouldn’t go there at the moment because all of their koalas are on fire or something.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.