Dame Judi Dench Shows Off New Tattoo

Dame Judi Dench, 81 years young, gave the world it's first sneak preview of her first ever tattoo at this afternoon's premiere of Aladdin at Rochdale's Gracie Fields Theatre.'Ive been well into Ryan since...

Murder she wrote woman not dead

Everyone lost their shit this week when a rumour regarding the Bedknobs and Broomsticks (non-porno version) star appearing in Game of Thrones surfaced."Appearing as what? A corpse?" asked Sandra Johnson, a 53 year mum...
Morrissey

Charles Manson was just a bit excitable claims Morrissey

Mancunian pastry product Morrissey has upped the ante on his recent efforts to mitigate the minor fondlings of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein by reportedly and fictionally claiming notorious cult leader Charles Manson was...

Chris Rea spends second night in Charnock Richards Services.

Gravel-voiced guitar stalwart, Chris Rea, is still trying to get home for Christmas this year, after the 'Road to Hell' star's head gasket went at Charnock Richards Services.Rea, who could have sworn he had...
Paul Dacre

Is Daily Mail Editor Paul Dacre the most flaccid cockgoblin in the UK?

Unsubstantiated sources allege Dacre is comfortably the vilest hate-peddling shitweasel in the UK.Feel free to tell us if you disagree with these allegations. But we ask, who are we to question the conclusions? Consider...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting.The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...
Roger Moore

Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…

In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today.The Pope was a keen fan of the 1960s TV show and had...
Rosie and Jim

Rosie and Jim Seized in Immigration Raid

News is emerging that 1990’s TV stars Rosie and Jim have been arrested and are now facing deportment following the repeal of the European Convention on Human Rights.The TV stars, real names Bratislav...

Right wing extremist appears on Good Morning Britain to interview Tommy Robinson

Good Morning Britain producers made the controversial choice today of asking a divisive, opinionated, loud mouth to appear on their show. Piers Morgan was reportedly shocked by the request, as that's already his job.However,...
pippa

Pippa Middleton topless photos break internet

Still recovering from the profound damage caused by that picture of Kim Kardashian's arse a while back, the Interweb was dealt yet another bitter blow last night; local internet subscribers were left floundering in...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn wins prestigious Tony Blair peace prize

Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it.The prize recognises Mr Corbyn's contribution over 20 years to the Northern...

Gerry Anderson to Return as String Puppet

Die-hard Thunderbirds fans are celebrating the surprise announcement that Gerry Anderson is to headline the upcoming Cromer 60s Festival.North Norfolk District Council broke the news on Twitter that the creator of the cult 60s...
Pudsey bear

Shock as Pudsey Bear arrested just one hour before Children in Need goes live

The BBC is in a state of chaos and panic  this evening as they desperately scramble to find a replacement for Children in Need stalwart Pudsey Bear, who was sensationally arrested on fraud charges...
Connor McGregor

Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’

In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game of "da physics" just hours after his piss-takingly lucrative defeat...

Experts agree that Josh Widdicombe is not bigger than Jesus

Theologists now agree that diminutive Josh Widdicombe is not the Second Coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ.Speculation had run rife that, having been born of a well-known virgin, pint-sized Josh was almost certainly the...

Bono reveals that a Lithuanian shopping centre was what he was looking for

U2 lead singer, Bono has announced that most of U2's songs are about his need to avoid tax.Bono is alleged to have told the owner of a Lithuanian shopping centre that a Lithuanian shopping...

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