Piers Morgan has been revealed as the new face of men’s rights campaign ‘Free the Ballbag’.
Inspired by the feminist ‘Free The Nipple’ movement, the campaign aims to fight against what it calls a ‘vaginocentric worldview’ and empower the sort of pathetic arseholes who think misogyny is a type of hardwood.
“Piers was the perfect choice to front the campaign.” founder Richard Smallcock, 47, told the Herald. “Everybody loved the way he heroically slagged off the Women’s March on Twitter, and it was inspiring to hear about how he makes his crybaby co-host Susanna Reid question her own integrity on a regular basis.
“We believe that equality applies to everyone, but mainly men, and I can’t think of a better symbol for that than a person strongly associated with the word ‘bollocks’.”
“It’s about time we took a stand.” said fellow campaigner, Peter Littlewood, 34. “People keep banging on about things like pay equality and sexual objectification, and how women should be able to just walk down the street with their tits out and not get harassed.
“Sure, men have dominated almost every human society since the beginning of time, but can we get our balls out in public? Can we fuck!”
The campaign was initially due to be launched in December 2016, however organisers were forced to delay when it was highlighted that ‘Free The Ballbag’ could be confused with Britain First’s fight to have their leader, Paul Golding, released from prison. Since then, campaigners have staged protests in several UK cities, wearing t-shirts bearing the slogans ‘Sun’s Out? Plums Out!’, ‘DO mind the bollocks!’ and ‘Don’t Keep Our Balls Behind Your Walls’.
Morgan has yet to publicly comment on the campaign, but his agent told reporters that he felt “honoured” to have been chosen.
“From now on, when people see Piers on their TV screens, or hear his voice on their radios, they’re going to think ‘ballbag’, she said.
“Massive fucking ballbag.”