Residents of Rochdale were battening down the hatches and taking positions in bunkers as the Angel of Death Orla Guerin came to visit the town.
The award winning BBC journalist is normally only to be seen in the most dangerous and beleaguered parts of the world, reporting in that slow deliberate manner with the gravitas that only a diet of one cracker and a small glass of water in over five years can give.
Not unused to taking an unpopular and principled stand, Orla recently gave her support to Donald Trump’s impending coup in Venezuela, following President Medura’s failure to be interviewed whilst kneeling before her.
It is not known what is in store for Rochdale but, going on her current record, a visit can bring famine, aerial bombardment, or even worse, a sanctimonious, long winded and pompous report.
Orla’s cover was blown when her entourage arrived in advance and closed off the streets of Rochdale to close down the shops, break some windows and install liberal amounts of tumbleweed.
“Why us Orla?” a concerned Rochdale citizen asked, via our reporter.
“I have a polished doorstep and some hanging baskets over my windows, but Orla won’t want to cover that now, will she?” An elderly local man relayed:
“We just want them to get on with Brexit, we never asked them to bring a war zone to our proud town”.
Ms. Guerin was unavailable for comment after strenuous efforts to contact her on her Instagram page.