Elderly white bloke invoking blitz spirit wins Brexit’s Got Talent

In an emotional final show, 102 year old Tommy Atkins held off challengers by singing Vera Lynn songs in a quavering voice in front of a backdrop featuring Lancasters, Spitfires, red phone boxes, sausages...

Colombia fears double dip recession following death of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

Government officials in Colombia have issued warnings of a double dip recession following the death of former "it girl" Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Former socialite and darling of the tabloids Palmer-Tomkinson was found dead in her...
Michael Gove

Gove cast as Tick-Tock in Rupert Murdoch’s adaption of ‘Peter Pan’

An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove has been cast as Tick-Tock, Theresa May as Captain Hook...

Tommy Robinson announces plan to launch Ceefax page

Far right midget Tommy Robinson has announced plans to launch a Ceefax page following news that he has been banned from both Facebook and Instagram for being a racist toolkit.

Mary, Mel and Sue to present new slapstick kids tv show ‘The Cackle...

The trio who recently opted out of any future appearances on Great British Bake Off after its acquisition by Channel 4 announced the news earlier today. The decision stangely coincides with the news that the...
Jeremy Clarkson

Clarkson hater not bothered about GT success

A writer for a satirical news site recently spent a lot of time saying that Jeremy Clarkson and Co's new Grand Tour show was going to flop. Now he's been shown to be utterly wrong,...
Ant and Dec

Ant and Dec to serve 6 months in Wormwood Scrubs together as judge couldn’t...

Comedy duo and twin brothers Ant and Dec are to serve a six month sentence together in Wormwood Scrubs prison. The unusual move has come after Ant McPartlin crashed his car and failed a breath...

Twitter explodes after banning racist for racism after warning him not to be racist...

The social media platform Twitter is going bonkers today after permanently banning a user for inciting an abusive racist attack on a fellow Twitter user after being repeatedly told not to on several occasions. Renowned...

God Issues Apology For 2016 Celebrity Cull

In an official statement released this afternoon, God has apologised for the ongoing massacre of talent this year, blaming it on recent pressure to beef up Heaven’s on-site entertainment. The statement, published on the Vatican...
Roger Moore

Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…

In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today. The Pope was a keen fan of the 1960s TV show and had...

Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...
Freddie Mercury and Brian May

Britain First drop ‘We Will Rock You’ theme on learning Freddie Mercury’s Indian heritage

In a documentary about the life and death of Freddie Mercury, which recently aired on the biffer TV network, Channel 5, it was pointed out that the legendary Queen frontman, whose birth name was Farrokh...
pippa

Pippa, Middleton, Topless Bikini Photo Scandal

Pippa, from Middleton near Rochdale, was said to be bemused today after seeing photos of a topless bikini advertised for sale in Rochdale's premier fashion boutique, Primark. "It was scandalous" Pippa from Middleton told our...
Bruce Forsyth

Bruce Forsyth ‘can’t wait’ to draw his pension

Following the news today that the government of the United Kingdom will shortly be raising the retirement age to 168 years old Bruce Forsyth has announced that he is excited to soon be old...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn wins prestigious Tony Blair peace prize

Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it. The prize recognises Mr Corbyn's contribution over 20 years to the Northern...

Tom Hiddleston does a runner.

Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift had ended.  Tom is reported to have told a close friend...

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