Celebrity

In an emotional final show, 102 year old Tommy Atkins held off challengers by singing Vera Lynn songs in a quavering voice in front of a backdrop featuring Lancasters, Spitfires, red phone boxes, sausages...

Government officials in Colombia have issued warnings of a double dip recession following the death of former "it girl" Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Former socialite and darling of the tabloids Palmer-Tomkinson was found dead in her...

An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove has been cast as Tick-Tock, Theresa May as Captain Hook...

Far right midget Tommy Robinson has announced plans to launch a Ceefax page following news that he has been banned from both Facebook and Instagram for being a racist toolkit.

The trio who recently opted out of any future appearances on Great British Bake Off after its acquisition by Channel 4 announced the news earlier today. The decision stangely coincides with the news that the...

A writer for a satirical news site recently spent a lot of time saying that Jeremy Clarkson and Co's new Grand Tour show was going to flop. Now he's been shown to be utterly wrong,...

Comedy duo and twin brothers Ant and Dec are to serve a six month sentence together in Wormwood Scrubs prison. The unusual move has come after Ant McPartlin crashed his car and failed a breath...

The social media platform Twitter is going bonkers today after permanently banning a user for inciting an abusive racist attack on a fellow Twitter user after being repeatedly told not to on several occasions. Renowned...

In an official statement released this afternoon, God has apologised for the ongoing massacre of talent this year, blaming it on recent pressure to beef up Heaven’s on-site entertainment. The statement, published on the Vatican...

In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today. The Pope was a keen fan of the 1960s TV show and had...

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...

In a documentary about the life and death of Freddie Mercury, which recently aired on the biffer TV network, Channel 5, it was pointed out that the legendary Queen frontman, whose birth name was Farrokh...

Pippa, from Middleton near Rochdale, was said to be bemused today after seeing photos of a topless bikini advertised for sale in Rochdale's premier fashion boutique, Primark. "It was scandalous" Pippa from Middleton told our...

Following the news today that the government of the United Kingdom will shortly be raising the retirement age to 168 years old Bruce Forsyth has announced that he is excited to soon be old...

Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it. The prize recognises Mr Corbyn's contribution over 20 years to the Northern...

Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift had ended.  Tom is reported to have told a close friend...