Dame Judi Dench Shows Off New Tattoo

Dame Judi Dench, 81 years young, gave the world it's first sneak preview of her first ever tattoo at this afternoon's premiere of Aladdin at Rochdale's Gracie Fields Theatre. 'Ive been well into Ryan since...

Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society

Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn in as the new president of Flat Earth Society. Establishment figureheads...

Curse of the Railway Children Strikes Again as Deddie Davies Dies

The Curse of "The Railway Children" has struck again. The film made in 1970 told the tale of a group of children and a railway. However the cast have paid a heavy price for their...

Rochdale Christmas light turn on will be a Britain First

This year's celebrity flicker of Rochdale's Christmas light will be none other than high flying anti-Muslim racist bigots and all round general socialites, Paul Golding and his sidekick Jayda Fransen. In a night that's sure...
ice cream

Super hunter chilli Yorkie ice cream man-bar ultra plus released for aggressive thrusting straight...

In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched. It will contain jalapeño peppers recorded at 15 million on the...

Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...

Harvey Weinstein is a Democrat is the new Hitler was a Vegetarian

Hip new fashy fashion hits Brownhill School All the coolest kids in Brownhill School, Rochdale, have adopted it.  “Yeah well, Harvey Weinstein was a Democrat so ner,” is the new top riposte in their ongoing battle...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting. The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...

Celebrities are over-rewarded claims famous, multi-millionaire, award winning star and author on accepting his...

David Walliams has, in a stunning show of hypocrisy and with no hint of irony, claimed that celebrities are over-rewarded as he accepted an OBE which was awarded for nothing other than partaking in...
Knobhead

Knobhead calls knobhead knobhead

Renowned knobhead Liam Gallagher has snubbed famous knobhead James Corden by refusing to appear on his TV show Carpool Karaoke. Gallagher, who is currently touring sold-out village halls as a 'solo artist', took to Twitter...
Paul Nuttall

Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.

Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to swim the Channel underwater (he did it for a bet...

Katie Price Fails 5 Minutes Into Her Attempt To Go A Whole Day Without...

Three days ago the former glamour model Katie Price, also known as Libya, attempted to last a whole day without doing anything to publicise herself. Unfortunately, the attempt failed spectacularly when Katie tweeted her...
George Michael

George Michael dead after ‘giving away’ 33rd heart

The 80’s pop sensation, 90’s cop-bothering loiterer and noughties stoner George Michael sadly died at home 'peacefully in his sleep.' The Wham! front man was warned earlier this month about giving away his heart every...
Lenny Henry

Premier Inn to change all the locks tonight

Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC. Mr. Henry was the face of Premier Inn for several years, until a loop...
Pot Plant

Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant to release cover of Louis Armstrong’s Nobody Knows The...

Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant, a large Ficus Lyrata Bambino, is to going to release a seven inch cover of the 1921 classic “Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen”. The single will also a feature...
Michael McIntyre

Comic Relief to be just Michael McIntyre and a bunch of Russells in future

The BBC announced today that all future Comic Relief events will simply be Michael McIntyre and people called Russell running around and doing observational routines. Deputy Director General Sir Vincent Cost said that, as they...

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