Elderly white bloke invoking blitz spirit wins Brexit’s Got Talent

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In an emotional final show, 102 year old Tommy Atkins held off challengers by singing Vera Lynn songs in a quavering voice in front...

Nuttall Claims Best Actor At Oscars

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Armenian born British Actor Constantine Felangi, better known by his stage name of Paul Nuttall, seized the coveted golden statue for Best Actor at...

Peter Pan of Pop Peeves Proud Populace

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Cliff Richards recently learned that South Yorkshire Police will not be pursuing historic sexual abuse claims against him, but he hasn't escaped the wrath...
Boris Johnson wins Hunted

Boris Johnson evades detection to win 2020 season of Hunted

Using an impressive combination of stealth, sneakiness and bare-faced cheek, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has trounced both his opponents and his pursuers to claim...

Issue I keep reminding everyone of hurting my reputation, says Cliff

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Cliff Richard, the long term bachelor and non-nonce, who our lawyers remind us isn't gay either, has been talking to the tabloid newspapers about...

Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film

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His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga. Warning: contains spoilers Shooting began today for the latest...

Some bloke from the 90’s announces his “new name”

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Some bloke that you sort of remember from the 1990's but you can't really remember why has stepped up his irrelevance by announcing a...
Connor McGregor

Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’

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In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game...

Ban on new celebrity Chefs

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The government is set to introduce legislation preventing the creation of new celebrity Chefs, after pretentiousness levels in the UK became toxic. It...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Pope to beatify Katie Hopkins after death of her reputation…

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The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an...
Pot Plant

Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant to release cover of Louis Armstrong’s Nobody Knows The...

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Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant, a large Ficus Lyrata Bambino, is to going to release a seven inch cover of the 1921 classic “Nobody...

Woman wins “I’ve got no self respect, get me out of here!”

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A woman called Scarlett Moffat, who you've probably never heard of or will again, has won the annual competition to see just how far...
ice cream

Super hunter chilli Yorkie ice cream man-bar ultra plus released for aggressive thrusting straight...

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In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched. It...

Brexit means boo-boo for May’s haute couture

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Prime Minister Theresa May has been pictured wearing some of the very best in British haute couture recently. Her bold departure from her usual...

Mary, Mel and Sue to present new slapstick kids tv show ‘The Cackle...

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The trio who recently opted out of any future appearances on Great British Bake Off after its acquisition by Channel 4 announced the news...
Piers Morgan

Petition for Piers Morgan to self isolate reaches 16.14m signatures

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A petition for Piers Morgan to self isolate has reached 16.14 million signatures. The petition, which has recieved support from across the world, has nothing...

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