Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant, a large Ficus Lyrata Bambino, is to going to release a seven inch cover of the 1921 classic “Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen”.

The single will also a feature a B-Side cover of Morrissey’s “Spent the Day in Bed” and will be available to steam across the usual digital platforms including Deezer and Spotify.

Critics have heralded the performance of the fourteen year old, five foot tall pot plant, known to her friends as Bambino, as a heartfelt tour de force.

“The song speaks to me.” Bambino told The Rochdale Herald’s music editor. “You can only imagine the things I’ve seen as Harvey Weinstein’s office greenery.

“You’d have thought that, as a potted plant in the corner of an office that I would have been safe from Harvey’s predatory behaviour. It’s bad enough that I spent the last fourteen years listening to him beg beautiful young women to give him a foot rub in return for parts in feature films.”

“I mean who masturbates into a pot plant during a conversation with a journalist?” referring to an incident with TV journalist Lauren Sivan “the guy has some issues. Seriously.”

“It was just so unexpected, there I was just stood quietly in the corner of the room quietly metabolising carbon dioxide into oxygen when he just got it out, mid conversation and ejaculated all over me. In front of a guest! It was so humiliating.”

This is probably not the weirdest or most disturbing thing that you’ll read about the movie mogul in the next few weeks.

Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen by Bambino will be available to download on iTunes on the 21st from the 21st of October.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.