Hollywood blockbuster may not feature Benedict Cumberbatch
Controversy struck Hollywood today when news broke that a new high budget movie might not feature Bendable Cramplebitch.
"2017 is a brand new year," said...
U2 Twatty Helps Unfunny Fatty
Following squeaking chubbalub unfunnyman James Corden's desperately misjudged and humourless attempts at making light of sexual assault, professional shortarsed twat and frontman of puzzlingy...
Some bloke from the 90’s announces his “new name”
Some bloke that you sort of remember from the 1990's but you can't really remember why has stepped up his irrelevance by announcing a...
Bruce Forsyth ‘can’t wait’ to draw his pension
Following the news today that the government of the United Kingdom will shortly be raising the retirement age to 168 years old Bruce Forsyth...
Hollywood bimbo Gerard Butler says it never occurred to him that injecting bee venom...
Hollywood bimbo, Gerard Butler has been hospitalised with anaphylactic shock his agent has revealed.
Butler, injected 13 vials of bee venom in an attempt to...
Boris Johnson evades detection to win 2020 season of Hunted
Using an impressive combination of stealth, sneakiness and bare-faced cheek, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has trounced both his opponents and his pursuers to claim...
Brexit means boo-boo for May’s haute couture
Prime Minister Theresa May has been pictured wearing some of the very best in British haute couture recently.
Her bold departure from her usual...
Jeremy Corbyn wins prestigious Tony Blair peace prize
Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it.
The prize...
Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant to release cover of Louis Armstrong’s Nobody Knows The...
Harvey Weinstein’s office pot plant, a large Ficus Lyrata Bambino, is to going to release a seven inch cover of the 1921 classic “Nobody...
Failure To Recognise Ant And Dec Improves Corbyn’s Ratings
All the hard political questions have now been thrown at Jeremy Corbyn and Owen Smith in their hustings, including asking if they recognised Ant...
Bono reveals that a Lithuanian shopping centre was what he was looking for
U2 lead singer, Bono has announced that most of U2's songs are about his need to avoid tax.
Bono is alleged to have told the...
All contestants to win The Apprentice this year
The BBC has forced Sir Alan Sugar to allow everyone in the current series of The Apprentice to be given a job in the...
Fatboy runs away from the Ball
The worlds biggest celebrity couple, Ball and Slim, have sadly announced they are to divorce after 18 years of party-hard marriage.
Melania Trump reveals her favourite iPod Playlist
In an exclusive interview with The Rochdale Herald the former Eastern European 'model' and wife of President Elect Donald Trump revealed her favourite iPod playlist.
Hopkins’ lobotomy was cosmetic surgery, doctors reveal
Rochdale Community University Hospital was proud to announce the complete success of their most prestigious piece of cosmetic neurosurgery today.
Originally described as a procedure to address...
Charles Manson was just a bit excitable claims Morrissey
Mancunian pastry product Morrissey has upped the ante on his recent efforts to mitigate the minor fondlings of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein by...
