A woman called Scarlett Moffat, who you’ve probably never heard of or will again, has won the annual competition to see just how far loosely famous people can debase themselves for money. 

The competition tests the financial bottom line of those who yearn to be called a “celebrity”, by paying them the minimum amount of money necessary to get them to eat an Aligators foreskin. While a baying mob of simpletons vote and spew forth vile opinions on how they did it. 

The ringmasters in this circus of despair are Ant and Dec, torturers currently on loan from Dante’s seventh circle of hell. It is widely believed that the disappearance of their inanely chirpy banter from our TV screens for more than 5 minutes will signal their return to the underworld ready for the coming apocalypse.  But while here, they are happy to provide sad desperate people with the opportunities to eat Ostrich Labia for viewers baser pleasures. 

We contacted local man and fan of the show Colin Nigelsson, who works as a Bull Wanker at a local farm, for comment;

“Well obviously I watch it to escape from the mindless monotony of my day job wanking bulls. But no, you wouldn’t get me on it. I’ve got some self respect you know. Now let me just finish this one off, can you pass me that bucket?”